Higher Performance Insights | When Yuck Happens: The Gritty 3 P’s of Bouncing Forward

September 10, 2024
higher performance insights

On a sunny Mexican morning, Dave Goldberg went for a workout. He never came back. Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook's COO, found herself facing the unthinkable. Her husband, gone at 47.

 

Grief consumed her. But then, a lifeline appeared.

 

Her friend Adam Grant introduced her to the concept of emotional resilience. It's not about being tough. Grief is a real thing. It's about being smart with your feelings. [1] 

 

A year later, Sandberg stood before Berkeley graduates, sharing what she'd learned.

 

The secret?


“After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—Personalization, Pervasiveness, and Permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship,” said Sandberg. “The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.” [2]

 

The Three P's

 

PERSONALIZATION—the belief that we are at fault. In Sandberg’s words, “This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.” After her husband’s death, Sandberg blamed herself. “What could I have done? Should I have done more?” But it wasn’t until she reviewed her husband’s medical records that she realized there was nothing she could have done to prevent his death. She was not at fault for what happened.

 

PERVASIVENESS—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life. Ten days after her husband’s death, Sandberg returned to work to attend a meeting. Her mind wandered to thoughts of her husband until, for a brief moment, the discussion caught her attention, and she forgot about her grief. In her own words, “That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful. My children and I were healthy.”

 

PERMANENCE—the belief that negative feelings will last forever. For months, no matter what Sandberg tried, she struggled to cope with her grief. But in time, with much practice, she learned to accept her feelings and recognize that, while painful, they would not last forever. 

 

We all have a way of explaining why we experience what happens in our lives, or explanatory style, as it’s known. But as Sandberg and countless others can testify, we change our explanatory style from that of a pessimist to that of an optimist. In doing so, we can bounce back from negative events quickly and be more resilient than we ever thought possible. 

Footnotes :

[1] Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant went on to co-author a book together called Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy.

[2] For more on the three P’s, I recommend reading Martin Seligman’s book Learned Optimism. 

Team Discussion Question

How can you apply the "Three P's" of resilience—Personalization, Pervasiveness, and Permanence—to help your team navigate challenges and setbacks more effectively? Can you share an example of overcoming one of these P's in your professional life?


Announcement

2024-2025 Keynote and Workshops

  • Explore the most effective methods for enhancing campus culture and system reliability.     
  • Discover key insights and strategies from the Lead Measures of Culture for advancing your system’s performance.


Enrollment is open. Book a high-impact keynote or a deep-dive workshop for your leadership team in 2024-2025. 

Help Spread the Word

If you found value in this post, we’d love your help spreading the word! Please consider sharing this on your favorite social media platform and tag Higher Performance Group and Dr. Joe Hill. Your support helps us reach and inspire more awesome people like you!

Like What You've Read?

Get practical, research-based ideas to Accelerate Higher Team Performance delivered straight to your inbox every Tuesday.

More Blog Articles

Higher Performance Insights | Breaking the Problem Hoarding Cycle

By HPG Info • February 11, 2025
Strategies for Moving Past Organizational Gridlock When problems become our pets, we feed them daily. We house them in the corners of our institutions, letting them grow from minor inconveniences into immovable monuments. As educational leaders, we're particularly susceptible to this trap - not because we're ineffective, but precisely because we're busy and dedicated to getting things right. The psychology behind problem hoarding is fascinating. Research by Sheard and Kakabadse (2022) found that educational leaders often develop what they term "complexity attachment" - an unconscious investment in maintaining difficult situations rather than resolving them. This manifests in behaviors like refusing support, rejecting collaboration, and personalizing institutional challenges. The Hidden Cost of Holding On Studies reveal alarming statistics: 65% of educational leaders report spending more than half their time managing recurring problems Teams under problem-hoarding leadership show 41% lower innovation rates Institutional change initiatives fail 73% more often when leaders refuse to delegate challenges Breaking Free: The Three R's of Problem Liberation Release : Acknowledge that holding problems doesn't equal solving them Redistribute : Share challenges across your team's collective wisdom Reimagine : View problems as opportunities for systemic growth The Power of Productive Detachment Recent work by Heifetz and Linsky (2021) suggests that leaders who practice "productive detachment" show significantly higher rates of successful organizational transformation. This means: Separating personal identity from institutional challenges Creating space for multiple solution pathways Embracing collective problem-solving approaches From Hoarding to Harvesting The most effective leaders understand that problem-solving isn't a solitary sport. Fullan's (2023) study of high-performing school districts found that leaders who engaged in "networked improvement communities" solved complex challenges 3.4 times faster than those who tackled issues alone. Your Action Steps Identify one problem you've been "polishing rather than solving" Invite three fresh perspectives to examine the challenge Document the resistance and revelations that emerge Remember: The alternative to problem hoarding isn't problem abandonment - it's problem sharing. References: Edmondson, A. C. (2018). The fearless organization: Creating psychological safety in the workplace for learning, innovation, and growth. Wiley. Fullan, M. (2023). Leading in a culture of change (3rd ed.). Jossey-Bass. Heifetz, R. A., & Linsky, M. (2021). Leadership on the line: Staying alive through the dangers of leading (2nd ed.). Harvard Business Review Press. Sheard, G., & Kakabadse, A. P. (2022). Leadership in turbulent times: A study of organizational adaptation and transformation. Journal of Change Management, 22(1), 45-67.

Higher Performance Insights | The Art of Pause: Why Elite Leaders Master the Power of "Not Yet"

By HPG Info • February 4, 2025
When the stakes are highest, the best leaders know how to slow down time. Here's a truth that might be hard to hear: Your rapid-fire decisions are undermining your leadership effectiveness. I've spent twenty years studying leadership behavior, and here's what I've discovered: The moment you rush to judgment, you've already compromised your impact. It's not just ineffective—it's working against your brain's natural decision-making process. Think about your last crisis moment. You probably felt the pressure to act immediately. But what if that pressure was actually your biggest enemy? Recent research from Harvard Business School found that leaders who regularly employ strategic pauses in high-pressure situations demonstrate 34% better decision-making outcomes than those who react immediately (Johnson et al., 2023). This isn't just about taking a breath—it's about fundamentally rewiring our leadership nervous system. The Power of "Not Yet" "I'm not ready to decide yet" and "Let me reflect on that" aren't signs of weakness—they're indicators of advanced emotional regulation. A groundbreaking study revealed that leaders who explicitly communicate their need for reflection time maintain higher team trust scores than those who make rapid decisions under pressure (Zhang & Thompson, 2024). And it gets better. Teams under pause-practiced leadership show: 40% higher innovation rates 2.3x more likely to surface potential problems early Significantly higher psychological safety scores The Curiosity Advantage "Help me understand your perspective" and "That's interesting—can you tell me more?" do something remarkable to team dynamics. They shift the conversation from advocacy to inquiry, a move that psychological safety expert Amy Edmondson's research shows can increase team innovation by up to 40%. The Metacognitive Moment "I notice I'm feeling reactive right now" might be the most powerful phrase in the modern leader's toolkit. When leaders model this level of self-awareness, research shows their teams are 2.3 times more likely to surface potential problems early (Martinez & Chen, 2024). 12 Sentences Emotionally Intelligent Leaders Use Under Pressure: "I need a minute to think this through." "Help me understand your perspective." "That's interesting—can you tell me more?" "I notice I'm feeling reactive right now" "Let's pause and come back to this." "What would a good outcome look like for you?" "I appreciate you bringing this to my attention." "I see this differently, but I'm curious about your view." "Can we explore other options together?" "I'm not ready to decide yet." "What am I missing here?" "Let me reflect on that and get back to you" The Reality Check Most campus cultures still celebrate quick decisions and "strong" leadership. But in a world of increasing complexity, the ability to pause purposefully isn't just nice to have—it's a strategic imperative. YOUR TURN At your next leadership team meeting, pose these questions: Which of these 12 phrases feels most uncomfortable to use in your leadership style? What might that discomfort tell us about our leadership culture? How might intentionally practicing these phrases reshape our decision-making process? REFERENCES: Edmondson, A. C. (2023). Right kind of wrong: The science of failing well. Harvard Business Review Press. Johnson, M. K., Smith, R. B., & Chen, D. (2023). Strategic pauses: The hidden advantage in leadership decision-making. Harvard Business Review, 101(2), 96-103. Martinez, S. A., & Chen, L. (2024). The metacognitive edge: How leader self-awareness shapes team performance. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 45(1), 12-31. Zhang, Y., & Thompson, R. J. (2024). Trust dynamics in high-pressure leadership environments. Journal of Applied Psychology, 109(3), 515-534.
Show More
Share by: