The 24 Goons that Game to Steal Your Goals in 2023

January 2, 2023

How productive and profitable was your 2022 performance?


Where did you win BIG?


What goals did you crush, and how can you keep that momentum rocking into the new year?


Where did you fall short, and what obstacles tripped you up?


If you are the goalie type of person and ramping up with a pen, paper, and a thermos of coffee preparing your goals for 2023, there are 24 obstacles that I know (because I have experienced them) are working out to kick your fanny this next year.

goon hockey player

Like a “goon” in hockey, whose role is to act aggressively toward the opposition’s star player (you) to TAKE THEM OUT, there are goons who don’t want you to be successful. 


I’ve worked with hundreds of people on shaping their goals, studied goals, and hustled on my own goals for over three decades, and I’ve watched these 24 obstacles trip leaders up over and over again. 


They’ve sucker-punched me before, and I bet they’ve stopped you in your tracks as well. 


Luckily, these goons can be defeated. 


No matter how hard these challenges try to knock you down, I’ve got three ways you can defeat your goon(s) and see your goals accomplished in 2023. 


You may be asking, “Who makes a list of 24 anything?”


I do. 


I’m a goal nerd, and I love helping others build and crush goals to help leaders win in life and at work. 


Goals have helped me start HPG in my late forties. 

Goals helped me write books. 

Goals helped my wife and I find and renovate our forever home. 

Goals will help me build tools and strategies for Optimizing Higher Team Performance.


Pursuing and crushing goals have changed my life from good to great. That’s not a stretch. I can draw a line separating my accidental life and the one where I decided to live intentionally toward my preferred future. 


We are straddling the end of 2022 and the start of the new year. Tis’ the season when many people set goals. 


This blog article will unpack all persistent and predictable goons who don’t want you to succeed in 2023.


This content is part of my 12-workshop series for leadership teams called the
Lead Team Institute.


So why don’t smart and hard-charging leaders accomplish their goals? 


Are you ready?


Read my year-end Very Big Idea,
The 24 Goons that Game to Steal Your Goals in 2023. 


As you read along, see if any of these goons are tripping you up right now. And, at the conclusion of this article, I will share with you the three things you can do to keep the goons from stealing your goals in 2023. 


The 24 Goons that Game to Steal Your Goals in 2023


1. Lack of Clarity: You don’t know what you want to improve. “As soon as I have a clear vision, I will start progressing, but until then, I’m stuck.”

2. Confusion: You made your first step but didn’t know what your next step should be. “I wrote the introduction to the book, but now what?” I signed up for the 5k, but now what?”

3. Prioritization: You have a dozen aspirations, but you can’t pick which one is the most important to you. “It’s not that I don’t have goals, it’s that I have too many areas I want to improve in my life.”

4. Selfish Sense: You don’t have permission to work on yourself. “Every spare minute I have should be spent serving others.”

5. Too Busy: This can be a real or a fake reason. Sometimes you are in a season where there is NO margin. That’s real. It’s fake if you look up your screen time each week and find that you have a good 60 minutes (or more) scrolling the social. Most of you can squeeze more time from your fake excuses for your real goals.

6. Imposter Syndrome: “Who am I to…” Many of you don’t step into the ring to fight for yourselves because you don’t feel worth it.

7. Comparison: Similar to Imposter Syndrome, you compare yourself to others who are often further ahead in the game of whatever you are pursuing. Never compare your beginning to somebody else’s middle. 

8. Procrastination: You have the time but don’t know how to manage it. You live in the land of “later.” You will learn more about how to slay this dragon of procrastination in the Lead Team Institute {LTI}.

9. Fear of Failure: The goal is crazy important, and the thought of failing to arrive here freezes you in your tracks. You feel you don’t have what it takes. Guess what? You don’t. I don’t. We don’t have what it takes…AT FIRST. The fear of failure lies you into thinking you must be an instant success, and when you are not, you quit. 

10. Fear of Success: The opposite of #9 is the fear that if you succeed, you will need to live up to that success as a lifestyle now that the expectations are raised. This is the cousin-fear of Imposter Syndrome. “What if this goes well, and I can’t live up to the expectations for the long haul?” 

11. Unrealistic Goal: This is what I call the “marathon in a week” goal. You haven’t laced up a pair of running shoes in three years and believe you can run a marathon in a week. Crazy big goals can cripple you before you even get started. 

12. Broken Soundtracks: This is when your mindset gets in the way. This comes from the reality that your thoughts become your actions, and your actions turn into results. If your thoughts are not right, your results will also be off. Your mindset is THE greatest inhibitor of your success in life and at work. Where is your mind down-playing your potential?


At the end of 2023, what would it feel like to have all your open positions and your momentum reclaimed?


Reclaim Your Momentum {LIVE}

✅ Reclaim Your Time

✅ Reclaim Your Energy

✅ Reclaim Your Priorities


”Wow! I didn’t realize I was in desperate need of this talk and these tools in my life.”


“This message so profoundly impacted us. We are now beginning to edit out the unhealthy team behaviors interfering with our performance.


“The timing of this message could not have been better for the health of our team.”


Without a new focus and approach, it's easy to continue to:

➜ Sacrifice self and family on the altar of work.

➜ Overcommit and underdeliver.

➜ Be busy but no longer brilliant.

➜ Juggle more priorities than what we can complete.


Worst of all, other people — other tasks, jobs, and projects — will continue to hijack your life.


It’s time to change that by implementing a proven practice that works.


Reclaim Your Momentum {LIVE} is a two-hour keynote for campus/district leaders and their teams.


This interactive session will inspire, challenge, and equip your team to accelerate healthy team culture and overall team performance. 


Your team will leave this session with the following:

  • A shaper clarity of your unique leadership superpower we call your Natural Leadership Profile.
  • A scalable framework for building a Higher Performance team and culture.
  • Practical tools to accelerate team communication, connection, alignment, capacity, and execution.


Book Your Team Retreat Today – Here


Learn more here.

Book Your Team Retreat

13. The Weight of the Work: When you look at the breadth of the goal and get overwhelmed by the work it will take to accomplish ALL of it, you get stopped in your tracks. The key to accomplishing big goals is to “chunk” your goals into smaller daily tactical tasks. 

14.
Perfectionism: If you can’t be perfect the first time, why even try? Perfection is fear in a tuxedo. It can present as a good thing, but in reality, it is an insecurity we all must conquer. 


15. Inconsistent Effort: Start. Stop. Start. Stop. You don’t benefit from the compounding effect of momentum. 

16. Impatience: You (and I) want to see immediate success. The fact is that any goal worth pursuing is GUARANTEED to take longer than you want.

17. Unexpected Challenge: This might be legit. Something unexpected (a health issue, family emergency, or loss of a loved one) crept into your reality when you planned your week, month, or quarter and knocked you off course. 

18. Loss of Excitement: Your motivation tank runs dry. “I’m just not feeling it anymore.”

19. Switch-a-Roo: This can also be legit. For example, I used to run a ton and had running mileage goals that I would regularly track. A few years back, I switched to cycling because of some nagging knee injuries that I was dealing with. That’s different from reading the first chapter of a book that I NEED to read, then buying different one that appears to be more interesting and that I WANT to read. 

20. Criticism: This can be perceived (inhibition or imagined) or a genuine criticism offered by someone you respect. It’s typically the former that becomes massively colorful in clouding your mindset. 

21. Distraction: It’s much easier to watch Netflix than to write a book. Exactly. A whole industry is set on keeping you more accidental (entertained) than intentional (on purpose). 

22. Too Expensive: If you count the cost and determine that completing your MBA will only be possible by going into unnecessary debt, you may want to protract your goal timeline until you can afford it. That’s legit. What’s not is when you believe that self-publishing your first book will cost you thousands of dollars. That’s a fear that is just not true, and you get stopped by the thought that your goal will be too expensive. 

23. Too Late: This fear that you have missed the boat. “I’m washed up. I should have been working on this 20 years ago, but I didn’t, and I feel out of time.”

24. Bad Advice: A family member, friend, or self-help guru gave you a plan bound to fail. You receive some terrible advice that you believed at the time and has you double-guessing everything.

These are largely why smart and hard-charging leaders don’t finish their goals. I could have added a few more but know this; Every one of those reasons (and the ones I missed) boils down to one of three things:

  • An Abundance of Fear
  • A Disconnection from Desire
  • A Lack of Trusted Community


Example: #1 –
Lack of Clarity = A Disconnection from Desire

Example: #2 – Confusion = An Abundance of Fear

Example #24 – Bad Advice = A Lack of Community


Your Turn

Take a minute to step through each of the 24 Goons to Steal Your Goals in 2023 and put the letter F (Fear), D (Desire), or C (Community) next to each on the list. 


As you work on your goals for 2023 and run into thoughts that might interfere with you putting that actual pen to actual paper, ask yourself:

  • Is this a Fear issue?
  • Is this a Desire issue?
  • Is this a Trusted Community issue?


This will help you appropriately counter-punch the issue. 

  • If this is a Fear issue, the hero of COURAGE must show up.
  • If this is a Desire issue, the hero of CLARITY must show up.
  • If this is a Trusted Community issue, the hero of ENGAGEMENT must show up. 


How do you do that? Join the hundreds of campus leaders resisting the gravitational pull of average performance in 2023 by enrolling in one of the MANY resources we have available to leaders and teams in the new year. 


Click here to sharpen your advantage and Optimize Your Team’s Performance.

More Blog Articles

By HPG Info September 7, 2026
Fluent. Confident. Wrong. In that order. Every cabinet meeting I've sat in since the second week of June has opened with some version of the same sentence: "The board wants to know our AI plan." Nobody's arguing AI matters. That fight's over. What almost nobody's asking is the question underneath it: the one that actually decides whether this fall helps your cabinet or quietly wrecks it. Before you put a machine on the payroll as your cabinet's newest ghostwriter, have you checked what it already believes about you? Here's what nobody tells a team of senior leaders walking into its first AI rollout: the tool doesn't create your team's judgment. It ghostwrites it, fluently, into every board memo and parent email and strategic plan you hand it, sounding exactly as confident in the ones that are wrong as the ones that are right. Two stories explain what's actually at stake this fall. One's old. One's brand new. Together, they're the whole problem. THE SENTENCE In third grade, a teacher tried to stop a boy from getting bullied. He'd been held back in reading, had migraines nobody diagnosed, and needed things repeated more than his classmates did. So she stepped in, pointed at him in front of the whole room, and said the thing she thought would protect him: "Leave that kid alone. That's the boy with the broken brain." She meant it kindly. He heard two words. Broken brain became the sentence he ran, silently, for the next decade: every time he wasn't picked for a team, every time he failed a test, every time he took the back-row seat hoping nobody would call on him. That kid grew up to be Jim Kwik, now one of the most recognized names in learning and memory training on the planet, the guy Fortune 500 companies and elite athletes call when they need to think faster under pressure. He told the story in a conversation earlier this year, and the line that stopped me wasn't the injury. It was what he said actually held him back: "Under stress, we don't rise to the level of our aspirations. We fall to the level of our stories, our systems, and our self-image." Not his intelligence. Not his skill. His self-image, inherited from a five-second sentence somebody else said, replaying under pressure for ten straight years. Now sit with the version your own cabinet is running. Maybe it's a board comment from three budget cycles ago that nobody's repeated out loud since, but everybody still quietly believes. Maybe it's a single paragraph an accreditation team wrote four years back that's still deciding what your provost thinks she's allowed to propose. Maybe it's simpler: a founding leader who once told this team they weren't ready for something, and nobody has tested whether that's still true. Here's the part that should actually worry you. Kwik didn't get better at learning by treating the injury. He got better by finding, and rewriting, the sentence. Your cabinet's talent isn't the variable in question here. It rarely is. The sentence running underneath the talent is. THE TURN Here's why this matters more this fall than any fall before it. For every year of your career until now, your cabinet's inherited sentence stayed mostly contained. It shaped a meeting here, a hesitation there, a proposal that quietly never got made. Slow damage, spread out over years. That containment is gone. Kwik, talking about the exact tools your board is asking about, put it plainly: "AI can scale and amplify. But it can only scale and amplify what a human brings to it." Feed it a clear, tested, collectively-owned judgment, and it multiplies your best thinking across every email, every plan, every decision your cabinet touches. Feed it an untested inherited sentence, and it does the exact same thing to that. (This is the exact gap THE TEAM INSTITUTE was built to close this fall: surfacing what the room already believes before the tool starts repeating it back at scale, which is different work than training your cabinet on the tool itself. Every vendor already offers that part. More on that in a moment.) TQ = IQ × EQ × PQ still holds. What's new is the multiplier. A cabinet with strong IQ and an untested self-image used to produce one flawed decision at a time. The same cabinet, with AI in the loop, can now produce that flawed decision a hundred different ways before lunch: in a strategic plan draft, a parent email, a board memo, and every version will read as confident, because the tool can't tell the difference between confidence and an old wound. THE OLD PLAYBOOK If you want proof this isn't just a Higher Performance Group observation, change management researchers are already redrawing the map. Kotter's 8-Step Change Model has run more transformations than any framework in modern management: create urgency, build a coalition, communicate the vision, empower people to act, anchor the gains. It's built for change that holds still long enough to sequence. A comparative model published this year in the Journal of AI, Robotics & Workplace Automation puts Kotter's eight steps next to a proposed AI Adoption Change Model, and the contrast is the whole argument in one picture. Source: Journal of AI, Robotics & Workplace Automation, Vol. 5 (2026), Henry Stewart Publications. Look at where each model starts. Kotter opens with urgency and a coalition, top-down, already decided. The AI model opens with exploring potential and discovering champions, bottom-up, still being tested. Kotter ends with anchoring the change in culture. The AI model ends with "cultivate AI-driven culture" and loops straight back into exploring again, because the tool never stops shipping new capability long enough for anything to get anchored. That's the structural version of what Kwik is describing at the individual level. AI adoption isn't a project you finish. It's a loop you run, and every pass through that loop amplifies whatever judgment your cabinet brought to it, tested or not. Which is exactly why the next five steps matter more than the eight above them. BUILD BEFORE YOU BORROW Kwik teaches a five-step discipline for exactly this problem, built for one person working with AI. It translates almost perfectly to a cabinet. You just have to run it as a room, not as one person with a laptop. Brainstorm first. Before anyone opens a tool, the cabinet talks through the problem out loud, together, with nothing feeding them an answer. This has nothing to do with whether the tool can be trusted. A room that's never practiced thinking together won't notice when the tool starts thinking for it instead. Understand the real problem. Most cabinets solve the presenting problem (enrollment's soft, a program's underperforming) instead of the one underneath it. Kwik's rule: spend the bulk of your time understanding what's actually broken before anyone reaches for a fix. AI is exceptionally good at answering the wrong question with total confidence. Imagine your own solution before you borrow one. Draft the cabinet's own answer first, even a rough one, before any tool sees the problem. This is the step almost every cabinet skips under deadline pressure, and it's the one that actually builds Team Intelligence. Skip it enough times, and the room stops being able to do it at all. Leverage the tool to stress-test, not to think for you. This is the one step where you deliberately fire the ghostwriter. Kwik's own practice: ask AI to argue against what the room already believes, to name the room's blind spots, to poke holes. Not "write our plan." "Tell us what's wrong with our plan." Different question, completely different outcome, and the only one of the five steps where you want the tool talking back instead of taking dictation. Decide, because the tool never has to live with it. AI has no stake in your decision. It doesn't sit in the parent meeting when the plan fails, or defend the budget line to the board. That accountability doesn't transfer, no matter how good the draft looks. Somebody in the room still has to own it. Five steps. None require new software. All five require your leaders to still be doing the thinking it's currently outsourcing, to the tool, or, just as often, to whichever one of you has quietly become the only person who does the real thinking before anyone else weighs in. (Kwik teaches this in far more depth than one newsletter can hold: his book Limitless and his Kwik Brain podcast go deep on the underlying discipline. No affiliation here, just work worth pointing you to.) THE CASE STUDY This is a composite, drawn from patterns across our work with 987 leadership teams , not one specific president's story. A university cabinet spent the spring drafting its first AI use policy the way most do: one dean built a draft using a chatbot over a weekend, and the cabinet spent forty minutes debating word choices in a document none of them had actually thought through together. The policy read confidently. Nobody in the room could say, if asked directly, what problem it was actually solving. Before the fall rollout, the cabinet ran Build Before You Borrow on that same policy, live, in one meeting. Brainstormed first, out loud, no laptops. Named the real problem: not "we need an AI policy" but "we don't yet agree on what we're willing to let a machine say on our behalf." Drafted their own answer as a room, in plain language, before any tool touched it. Only then brought a draft to AI, and only to argue against it. The resulting policy was four sentences shorter than the first one and, according to the cabinet, the first draft everyone in the room could actually explain from memory without looking at it. Same five people. One real conversation, finally had before the tool had it for them. THE FIRST MEETING You don't need a retreat for this. You need one meeting, early in the semester, run differently than the ones you've been running. Name the sentence (20 minutes). Ask your cabinet directly: what's something this institution believes about itself that nobody's tested in years? Write every answer down without editing them. You're not solving anything yet. You're finding out what you've all been quietly agreeing not to say. Run one live decision through Build Before You Borrow, out loud, before anyone opens a laptop (30 minutes). Pick a real one: the fall enrollment message, the AI policy itself, whatever's actually on this week's agenda. Brainstorm together first. Name the real problem. Draft your own answer as a room. Only then bring in a tool, and only to argue against what you just built. Agree, as a cabinet, on one rule for how AI gets used this year (10 minutes). Not a policy document. One sentence everyone says out loud and means: something like "nothing this tool wrote goes out first without a human draft underneath it." Whatever you land on, make it specific enough that you'd notice the day you broke it. If your first objection is that you don't have sixty extra minutes this month, you're already spending more than that reworking decisions that got made too fast, by whoever talked first in the room. This isn't additional time. It's the same time, spent before the mistake instead of after it. If your second objection is that your team will treat this as one more initiative, they're already operating under an initiative. It's just an unspoken one, and it's been running since before you took the job. THE MATURITY SHIFT Immature leaders think: "We need to move fast before we fall behind on AI." Mature leaders think: "We need to know what we actually believe before we teach a machine to say it for us." Immature leaders let the tool draft first and edit for tone. Mature leaders draft the room's own answer first and let the tool argue with it. Kwik calls the difference between these two postures victim mindset and heroic mindset: whether you let your hardest chapter keep narrating you, or you use it as fuel. It's a private decision about your own institution's story, one nobody else can make for you, and this fall, a machine is about to say that decision out loud, on schedule, to everyone. YOUR TURN Your cabinet is about to find out, in public, at scale, which story it's been running. No scandal required. A machine is about to say it back to everyone, fluently, on schedule, forever. Name it. What's the sentence your cabinet has been running that nobody's tested? Where did it come from, and is it even still true? You don't have to post the answer. But if you're willing to, I'd genuinely like to know what you find. If you already suspect which sentence it is, and you're wondering whether it's about to get amplified before you've even chosen a vendor: that's precisely what the TEAM INTELLIGENCE Assessment is built to surface. Fifteen minutes, no pitch, just a clear read on what your cabinet is actually working with before you put a machine in the room as your ghostwriter. higherperformancegroup.com/team-intelligence-assessment Across the 987 leadership teams we've studied, the cabinets that did this work before scaling anything (a new initiative, a new tool, a new plan) outperformed the ones that scaled first and diagnosed later, by a wide enough margin that "later" stopped being a viable strategy. The point is simple: make sure what gets sped up is actually worth repeating. If this is useful for someone else's first fall cabinet meeting, send it their way before their board asks the same question yours did. Tell them which sentence you found. Somebody in your network is about to let a machine ghostwrite a story they've never actually tested, and this might be the newsletter that stops them in time. Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group . — Dr. Joe Hill, Higher Performance Group | THE TEAM INSTITUTE
By HPG Info September 1, 2026
Three Convos Hiding Inside Every Hard One Somebody walks into your office. The numbers are off. Or the mood is off. Or both. And you already know which conversation you're about to have — because you decided it before they sat down. Here's the tell: most leaders run the exact same script regardless of what's actually in front of them. Stern voice for a performance problem. Soft voice for a feelings problem. Same script every time, because building a new one for every person is exhausting — and exhaustion, not indifference, is usually the real reason cabinets default to autopilot. Here's what that shortcut actually costs you. The conversation you're avoiding right now is a decision you're already making. Every week you skip the two-minute diagnosis, you're choosing — by default — to either let something slide that shouldn't, or come down hard on someone who needed something else entirely. This week: the diagnosis every leader skips, and the three conversations hiding inside every hard one. THE DIAGNOSIS Let's talk about this like adults who've sat through a cabinet meeting that started at 2:00 and ended, for reasons nobody could later explain, at 3:47. You know the version where a VP's reports go late and thin, and you assume skill drift — because skill drift is the explanation that requires the least from you. You know the version where someone's tone shifts in a meeting and you file it under “having an off week,” then quietly start managing around them instead of asking. You know the version where the story someone tells you doesn't quite add up, and you let it go because confronting it feels worse than not knowing. Here's the pattern underneath all three: once you decide someone is lazy, or checked out, or doesn't care as much as you do, you stop looking for any other explanation. Every late report confirms it. Every quiet moment in a meeting confirms it. You've stopped diagnosing and started collecting evidence for a verdict you already reached — and the story becomes true simply because you quit checking it. That's not a people problem. That's a leader who made the moment about their own read of the room before they made it about what was actually happening in the room. (This is the exact gap THE TEAM INSTITUTE was built to close — not by teaching your cabinet better scripts for hard conversations, but by building the shared diagnostic language that lets seven people read the same situation the same way, before anyone opens their mouth. More on that in a moment.) This is the part where I'm supposed to tell you to “communicate better.” You already knew that. The real problem is you've been trying to fix a Perceptual Intelligence gap with an Emotional Intelligence tool — and TQ math doesn't forgive that substitution. TQ = IQ × EQ × PQ. Skip the diagnosis, and you're not being direct. You're multiplying by a guess. THE THREE-CONVERSATION DIAGNOSTIC Call this the Three-Conversation Diagnostic. Or don't — it'll still explain why your last “tough conversation” left the room worse than before you started it. 1. The Skill Gap. They don't know what's expected, or nobody's ever shown them. Treat it like a character problem, and you'll manufacture resentment where clarity would've done the job. Lead with the headline, not the buildup: “I need you in this seat, and right now it needs three specific things you're not doing yet.” Name them. No mystery. (This is the only one of the three that's actually about skill — which is exactly why it's the one leaders misdiagnose least often, and the other two most.) 2. The Life Crisis. Something outside work has knocked the wheels off, and performance is just where it shows up first. The move is holding real support and real expectations at once: “Here's what I can flex. Here's what I can't.” Extend that grace with no word to the rest of the cabinet, though, and you've created sanctioned incompetence — everyone sees the standard slip and quietly assumes you're letting it slide, because nobody told them why. 3. The Integrity Break. Someone isn't telling you the truth, and opening with the receipts triggers defense, not honesty. Slow it down instead. Ask them to walk you through it again — a true story holds up the same way twice; one that isn't tends to shift, a detail moves, someone else gets blamed. If it never settles, you're not managing a performance problem anymore. You're holding a values line, and holding it is the only thing that tells the rest of the cabinet the standard was ever real. This is a composite, drawn from patterns across our 987 teams — not one specific leader. Call him Isaac: assistant superintendent, six years in the seat, historically one of the most reliable people on the cabinet. Then two board cycles running, his reports came in late and thin. His superintendent did what most of us do under pressure: assumed skill drift. She scheduled a “let's get you back on track” conversation, brought data, brought a plan, opened with concern about standards slipping. Isaac sat through it politely. Said he'd do better. Nothing changed. It wasn't until she asked one different question: “Is this a 'you're not clear on what I need' problem, or is something else going on?” That's when Isaac told her his father had been moved into hospice three weeks earlier, and he'd been driving two hours each way most weekends to be there. She'd diagnosed a skill gap. It was a life crisis wearing a performance-review costume. Not because she's a bad leader — she's excellent — but because she skipped the one step that tells you which conversation you're actually in. She offered two weeks of reduced load, had a peer cover his board prep, and told the cabinet only, “I'm aware, we're handling it together” — enough that nobody rewrote the standard in her silence. Isaac was back to full strength within a month. Same person. Right diagnosis, finally. THE APPLICATION Here's what to do Monday morning (assuming you're not already in crisis mode, in which case, bookmark this and do it Tuesday): Step 1: Run the Filter (2 minutes, before you open your mouth). Before your next hard conversation, ask yourself: skill, life, or trust? Don't skip this because it feels obvious. It's obvious after the fact in roughly zero percent of the conversations that actually go sideways. Step 2: Match the Opening Line (30 seconds). Skill gap gets the headline, not the buildup. Life crisis gets “here's what I can flex, here's what I can't.” Integrity break gets “walk me through it again,” not the receipts. Three different diagnoses, three different first sentences — using the wrong one is how a life crisis turns into a resentment-generating skills lecture. Step 3: Name Your Own Story First (1 minute, inside the conversation itself). Try: “Here's what I've noticed. The story I'm making up about it is ______. Help me understand what's actually true.” You've named the gap without attacking the person, and left room for a story that might be completely wrong. If your own emotions are rising while you say it — irritation, defensiveness, the urge to decide right now — that's the signal to slow down, not speed up. Good decisions and hot emotions have never once shared a room. “We don't have time for a diagnosis, we just need to handle it.” You don't have time not to. Every wrong-diagnosis conversation gets repeated — once when you misread it, again when you have to walk it back. Two minutes of diagnosis is cheaper than two conversations, every time. “My team will think I'm overthinking a simple conversation.” Your team is currently watching you run the same tough-leader script on everyone, regardless of what's actually happening in their life. That's not simple. That's a coin flip they've already noticed. THE MATURITY SHIFT Immature leaders think: “I need the same tough-leader energy in every hard conversation.” Mature leaders think: “I need to diagnose before I speak — and let the diagnosis choose my tone.” Immature leaders protect their own consistency. Mature leaders protect what's actually true in the room. Here's the part that should sting a little: you're not just managing one relationship in that conversation. You're managing a room that's always watching how you handle everyone else. Get the diagnosis wrong in either direction, and you're not just mishandling one person — you're teaching the other seven what actually happens here when something goes sideways. This is a PQ problem before it's an EQ problem. You cannot communicate your way out of a diagnosis you never made. Your turn: think of the last hard conversation you avoided, or ran on autopilot instead of running the filter. What did skipping the real diagnosis actually decide, by default? — Bonus points if you can name which of the three conversations it turned out to be. If your cabinet keeps having the wrong version of the right conversation, that's exactly the collective-architecture gap THE TEAM INSTITUTE was built to close. Not by teaching your team seven individual scripts for seven different personalities — that's the traditional playbook, and it's why most leadership development doesn't survive contact with an actual cabinet meeting. THE TEAM INSTITUTE builds the shared diagnostic language so the whole room reads the same situation the same way, before anyone opens their mouth. Across 987 leadership teams , cabinets that built this kind of shared architecture saw performance improve roughly 3x, engagement rise 29%, and outcomes improve 27% — without any increase in burnout, which is usually the quiet, unadvertised cost of every initiative that just asks people to “communicate better.” If there were a way to give your whole cabinet one shared diagnostic filter — instead of seven leaders each running their own private version under pressure — would that be worth twenty minutes to explore? Start with the Leadership Team Performance Assessment Whether or not this week is right for that, help another leader catch their own blind spot before it costs them a good person: repost this with the diagnosis you almost got wrong, tag the cabinet member who needs the three-conversation filter, or drop your own story in the comments — someone else's hardest conversation this week gets easier because you did.  Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group for weekly Team Intelligence insights.
Show More