White bears.
That's what seventeen undergraduates were told not to think about for fifteen minutes in a university lab. The result? They couldn't stop thinking about them. [1]
This isn't just about polar bears. It's about every fear, anger, and sadness we try to push away. The harder we push, the harder they push back.
So, What to Do?
You could surrender. Let go of control. When you stop wrestling with your thoughts, they often lose interest in wrestling with you.
Or you could observe. There's the thinking mind that generates thoughts and the observing mind that watches them unfold. We can choose which one to listen to.
And then there's perspective. The event is one thing. The story we tell ourselves about it is another. We can't always change what happens, but we can change how we frame it. [2]
Implications - Those Leading People
This isn't just psychology trivia. It's a toolkit for transformation.
Emotional intelligence isn't a nice-to-have; it's a must-have. Help your teams recognize their emotions without judgment. It's the first step to mastery.
Mindfulness isn't just for yoga retreats. Bring it to your conference rooms. Teach people to observe their thoughts like clouds passing in the sky. It's a superpower in a world of distractions.
Dialogue is oxygen for growth. Create spaces where thoughts and emotions can breathe freely. The conversations you're afraid of are often the ones you need most.
Your actions speak louder than any mission statement. Show your team how to navigate the stormy seas of emotion with grace and purpose.
They're watching.
Reframing isn't just positive thinking. It's about seeing the same picture in a different frame.
Help your people separate the canvas of events from the frame of interpretation. It's where resilience is born. [3]
Remember, we don't choose our emotions, but we do choose our behavior. In that choice lies the power to transform your influence, impact, and legacy.
Footnotes
[1]The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal.
[2] Mark Manson introduced me to the Two Minds in his free eBook, How to Change Your Life, available here.
How can you apply the "white bears" experiment to your team’s leadership? Consider a recent team challenge. How might embracing, rather than suppressing, difficult thoughts and emotions have changed the outcome? How can you foster a culture of emotional intelligence and mindfulness?
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