4 Ways To Ensure You Become The Type Of Boss Your People Love And Laugh With (Not At)

September 27, 2022

It happens every day.


You’ve seen it, and maybe you’ve done it.


Done what?


Talk about a leader behind their back about everything you think you could never say to their face.


Every day, people vent about their leaders with rolled eyes and snarky jokes.


Most leaders have no clue it’s happening to them.

Please note: The organization's success does not exempt one from the backstage devilries. 


No level of leadership frees you from your weaknesses. You can lead one of the most successful systems in your sector and still have flaws that frustrate your team.


And here is the truth: The higher one transcends up the organizational chart, the more these weaknesses are illuminated. 


So, how do you avoid becoming that leader?


One of the best ways to do that is to make sure your team talks TO you about their challenges.


If your team feels like they can talk TO you, the office drama and gossip drop precipitously. 


So, how exactly do you build the conditions for that?


Here are four keys to creating a culture where people can talk to you as a leader, not just about you when you leave the room. 


I’ll also walk you through some fresh examples of how this reality plays across our HPG team.


If you don’t think this matters, remember—people don’t quit their jobs these days. They leave leaders and cultures.


1. Ask…Then Brace Yourself 

 

The best way to avoid being the leader everyone complains about is to ask your team for feedback. 


Directly. 


Face to face.


Then…brace yourself. 


It would also help if you raised your pain threshold. 


If the feedback you hear from your team surprises or bothers you, don’t tell your face. Smile because your team is giving you a gift.


A current example:

I recently received some feedback from my team as part of an Executive Quarterly {EQ} retreat we did.


I specifically asked them to name where I was getting in the way of our performance. I told them nothing was off-limits, and they didn’t have to worry about my Feeler getting hurt. 


Well…they told me.


Some comments about my leadership included:

  • I can be impulsive.
  • Sometimes, I wig out when things aren’t going well.
  • I micromanage when I’m not sure about the outcome.
  • Sometimes, our mid-term goals seem unclear or vague.


You know what? They were right.


Sure, I was disappointed to hear each of those nuggets of critique, but my frustration was directed at the man in the mirror. I have blind spots, and I am still a work in progress. 


I love my team and their willingness to step in the ring to challenge me with an accurate assessment of my leadership over the last quarter.


Our team often uses the “L” word in our work. 


Love = To Fight FOR the Greatest GOOD of the Other.


Here’s the bottom line. To be a Higher Performance leader, you must raise your pain threshold to hear that kind of feedback directly, honestly, and face to face with your team.


Please note:

  • You can’t wince.
  • You should not deny it.
  • You shouldn’t defend yourself.
  • You can’t sulk.


Once you hear honest feedback, the correct response is a simple “thank you.”


This is the stuff that strengthens your team and culture. 


Sadly, when you look at scandal after scandal across various sectors and leadership spheres, that kind of direct, honest, open feedback is missing because it’s often penalized.


Instead, leaders cultivate cultures of fear, bullying, and self-preservation. In extreme cases, I’ve even heard of dominating leaders forcing staff to resign and demanding they sign NDAs (non-disclosure agreements) on their way out to ensure they won’t talk about how bad things were.


If you want to create irresistible culture, crave the feedback you’d usually curtail, even if it hurts.


Especially if it hurts.


2. Reward It

 

In case you missed it, honest feedback is something you need to reward when given.


Many senior leaders say they’re approachable when that’s not the case.


Remember, even if you think you’re nice, you hold the keys to hiring and firing people. Most people are afraid to tell you the truth because they’re scared of being penalized, pushed to the side, passed over for promotion, or even fired.


So, when you get honest and even critical input, celebrate it.


In our feedback session (and countless other meetings where I get feedback like this), I must remind myself to let my team know that I’m grateful and that this is precisely what they should be doing and need to hear.


Exemplary leaders say things like:

  • Thank you.
  • This feedback is a gift.
  • That’s fair. 
  • I’m grateful you care enough to share that.


If you think it’s risky to do this at work, imagine what would happen if this was the dynamic at home. Trust me. The reward is worth the risk. 


This is the stuff healthy teams do habitually.


And the team will only be as healthy as the leader.


The Time To Optimize Your Campus Performance Is Now

The Lead Team Institute {LTI} is a step-by-step framework for Optimizing Higher Team Performance (when gravitational pull toward average is working against you). 


{LTI} is a complete program of workshops, tools, coaching, and strategies that will equip you to drive Higher Team and System Performance. 


Learn more about the Lead Team Institute

3. Ask More Questions

 

You’ll want to make the honest feedback moments as brief as possible.


Don’t.


When an individual or your team gives you critical feedback, they usually test the waters with something mild and watch for your reaction.


In other words, provoke them to go a few rounds with you to get to the honest truth. 


So, in addition to celebrating what they’ve shared, open another round—in the most open tone possible—by asking questions like:


That was so helpful. Thank you. Anything else?


We should get all interference out on the table.
What else are people seeing? What else could help us grow?


I’m learning and need to know this stuff. Any other thoughts or observations?


Yes, that’s bold, but it’s worth it.


Usually, in round two or three —when people feel safe—the big stuff shows up (my impulsiveness showed up in round three of me asking the question).


Yes, this takes humility. But I’ve learned humility comes through two paths:



  1. Voluntarily
  2. Involuntary


How does involuntary humility happen? Simple: when you get humiliated by others or by a situation. Humiliation is involuntary humility. When you don’t humble yourself, others are happy to do it for you.


I’m trying to be intentional in taking the voluntary path moving forward. 


I don’t always get it right, but I’m fighting hard for me and us.

 

4. Practice the Two-Month Rule

 

Ongoing and honest feedback from your team shouldn’t be an annual event or a performance review phenomenon (the yearly performance review is going the way of the video rental store).

 

You can also have the tightest systems in the world by asking for feedback regularly and still not getting honest responses from your team.


Here is where the “Two Month Rule” comes to play.


If I were your performance coach, I would ask, “when was the last time someone gave you harsh feedback that you took and leveraged to change a leadership behavior that everybody on your team could observe and appreciate?”


If you couldn’t give me an example, I would probably say that your influence is diminishing.


Seriously, if I can’t name a specific challenge that one of my trusted team members gave me in the last two months that helped to keep me off the rocks of average or underperformance, I bet they are also laughing at me and not with me. 


Mic drop.


It got me thinking…have I gone through two-month spurts where all I heard was sunshine? 


Honestly, I’m just not that good. 


And neither are you.


This means it’s time to go back to the team and actively solicit honest feedback.


For me, it’s not just a matter of leading better. It’s a matter of character, care, and credibility. 


I want the people closest to me to become better with me. That includes my wife, kids, friends, and team.


The people closest to you should have the best access to you to be For You. 


Often in leadership, it’s the exact opposite.


Brand New: A Step-By-Step Framework to Optimize Higher Team Performance (when gravitational pull toward average is working against you).


Every leader I know struggles with average-performing systems and is under the gun to improve. Most lack the confidence and collective talent to make it happen. 


I know it’s hard to be that honest to admit you have more questions than solutions. 


If you are hungry for change, we can help. 


Higher Performance Group exists to Optimize Higher Team Performance. 


Don’t think it’s just you and your team who are struggling. That couldn’t be further from the truth. 


So how do you Reclaim Your Momentum (LINK to Reclaim Your Momentum {LIVE}) when you are back in the whirlwind and can’t give up any additional time?


The Lead Team Institute {LTI}  is a step-by-step leadership development solution that integrates within your regular standing leadership meetings. 


In the series of workshops, you will get my entire playbook for Optimizing Higher Team Performance—from start to finish:

  • How to optimize team communication
  • How to optimize team connection
  • How to optimize team alignment
  • How to optimize team capacity
  • How to optimize team execution
  • How to build highly reliable systems


And much more. 

 

The complete package of workshops, tools, assessments, performance coaching and strategies will equip you to build irresistible culture and Higher Team Performance. 


Are you ready to lead your team to higher heights? You can get access to all of it today!

Learn more about the Lead Team Institute

More Blog Articles

By HPG Info April 1, 2025
The Antifragile Navigating Between Government's New Policy and Enduring Campus Purpose In today's volatile educational landscape, mere survival is insufficient. Fragile institutions will shatter under pressure, resilient ones may endure but remain unchanged, while truly antifragile campus leadership thrives amidst disruption. As federal directives radically reshape the educational terrain, the most effective leaders recognize that this moment demands more than defensive posturing or passive resilience—it requires transformative adaptation that converts challenge into advantage. The best campus leaders make difficult choices: they plug their noses through uncomfortable transitions, check their gut instincts when cherished programs face scrutiny, and decisively shift from the back foot of defensiveness to the front foot of progress and performance. They understand that reaction without reflection risks compromising institutional integrity, while calculated, purpose-driven responses can position their institutions to emerge stronger than before. This antifragile approach—where institutions actually gain strength from disorder—represents the only viable path forward in a landscape where traditional resilience merely maintains the status quo. Leaders who recognize this fundamental truth are positioned to transform their institutions rather than merely preserve them. Here are four crucial pivots campus leaders must make to navigate these turbulent waters: Pivot 1: From Labeled Initiatives to Embedded Values New Policy Challenge : Government directives are targeting specific language and programs labeled as diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives. Funding cuts threaten institutions that maintain such explicitly labeled programs. Required Pivot : Rather than merely renaming programs or stripping websites of certain terminology, visionary campus leaders have been embedding these values directly into operational frameworks for years. "We admit every qualified student," explains one university president. "The second we decided to admit every qualified student and adjust with that and grow with that, our student body became completely representative of all family backgrounds and socioeconomic levels." This merit-based, egalitarian approach transcends political flashpoints. It doesn't require special goals or committees—just clear admissions standards, accessible pathways to qualification, and systems supporting student success regardless of background. The pivot requires moving from symbolic statements to structural systems that naturally produce representative outcomes. Pivot 2: From Hidden Impact to Visible Value New Policy Challenge : Research grants and innovative projects are being canceled based on surface-level assessments rather than substantive evaluation. As one campus leader notes, "The reasons they're giving for elimination of these grants are almost always wrong. They don't have the information down to the grant level." Required Pivot : Campus leaders must make the "invisible hand" of their innovation visible to all stakeholders. This invisible hand operates largely unseen by the public yet powers technological breakthroughs we take for granted. As one leader describes it, academic science "underpins all of the technological breakthroughs" we use daily. Tesla vehicles are "based on thousands of academic inventions and discoveries." Your iPhone? A product of "literally hundreds of thousands of academic articles, academic research, all of which is invisible." Campus innovation extends far beyond technology. Health initiatives, environmental solutions, and social programs emerging from campus labs and classrooms solve complex problems facing communities nationwide. When these projects face funding cuts, we lose not just immediate benefits but long-term societal advancement. Research by Valero and Van Reenen (2019) found that increases in university research significantly drive economic growth within regions, with spillover effects extending up to 100 miles from campus locations. Additionally, Moretti's (2021) work shows that campus innovation hubs create five additional local jobs for every direct innovation position. The pivot requires systematically documenting and communicating these impacts—"leaving for the record," as one leader puts it, exactly what each project accomplishes and why it matters to national interests. Pivot 3: From Reactive Defense to Proactive Service New Policy Challenge : New administrations naturally set new priorities, expecting campus institutions to rapidly align with these shifts or face defunding. Required Pivot : Instead of defensively protecting the status quo, forward-thinking leaders are "regrouping to be of service to the new trajectories." This means asking fundamental questions: How can our campus better serve national priorities while maintaining our core mission? How might we reframe our essential work to demonstrate alignment with new directions held within the dynamic of our community's greatest values? The pivot requires recognizing that campus institutions are a national asset of unbelievable value to the country and its ultimate success. There's no way to [reach national goals] without robust, in-demand, and profitable colleges and universities. The challenge is communicating this essential role in terms that resonate with current policy priorities. Pivot 4: From Political Positioning to Purpose Affirmation New Policy Challenge : Polarized political rhetoric pressures campus leaders to choose sides, risking either alienation from government funding sources or compromise of institutional values. Required Pivot : The most successful campus leaders are rising above political divisions by recommitting to their foundational purpose. "What we need to do," explains one community college president, "is we need to say to the national government, here we are, this is what we do. Yes, we understand that you're concerned about this and this and this, but you can't throw the baby out with the bathwater here." As Block (2018) notes in his research on campus transformation, "Leadership in times of change requires both adaptation to external forces and unwavering commitment to institutional purpose" (p. 87). This pivot requires articulating an institutional mission that transcends political moment while showing genuine responsiveness to legitimate policy concerns. It means distinguishing between superficial language changes and substantive operational compromises. The most successful campus leaders of tomorrow won't be those who perfectly preserved yesterday's systems. They'll be the ones who seized today's disruption as fuel for tomorrow's transformation, who recognized that in education's most challenging moment lies its greatest opportunity for meaningful evolution. In the end, antifragility isn't just about weathering the storm—it's about learning to dance in life's sh%$ storms. YOUR TURN Beyond labeled programs, what structural systems ensure your campus naturally produces inclusive outcomes? How effectively are you documenting and communicating your "invisible hand" of innovation to policymakers? In what specific ways can your institution better serve emerging national priorities while maintaining core values? How might you articulate your campus purpose in language that resonates across political divides? References Block, P. (2018). Community: The structure of belonging in campus environments. Berrett-Koehler Publishers. Moretti, E. (2021). The new geography of jobs and innovation. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. Valero, A., & Van Reenen, J. (2019). The economic impact of universities: Evidence from across the globe. Economics of Education Review, 68, 53-67. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.econedurev.2018.09.001
By HPG Info March 25, 2025
Why Sacrificing Team Health During Budget Crunch is the Most Expensive Mistake in Education When budgets shrink, what's the first thing to go? Usually, it's team development. The workshops. The retreats. The "soft skills" training, right? That's not just a mistake—it's fiscal malpractice. The math doesn't add up Dysfunctional leadership teams waste 20-40% of available resources (Edmondson & Lei, 2014)1. During constrained times, that's not just inefficient—it's existentially threatening. The instinct to cut team development during budget crunches is understandable but backward. It's like deciding to save money by skipping oil changes. It feels like savings until the engine seizes. Team Communication: The Foundation that Prevents Waste Teams with clear, consistent communication make budget reductions that are 31% less likely to require costly corrections later (Pentland, 2012)2. Without it? Information silos form. Decisions get reversed. Resources evaporate fixing preventable mistakes. Strong team communication isn't a nicety—it's how you prevent expensive false starts during times when you can least afford them. Team Connection: The Retention Superpower Teams with strong interpersonal bonds retain 42% more key talent during downsizing periods (Gallup, 2022)3. Every senior position lost costs $276,000 to replace (SHRM, 2023)4. Team connection isn't just about feeling good—it's your most powerful retention strategy when your best people have the most reasons to leave. Team Alignment: The Protection of Core Mission When budgets shrink, misaligned teams protect territories and special projects. Aligned teams protect missions and outcomes. Our data shows aligned teams preserve student outcomes at more than double the rate of misaligned teams when making identical percentage cuts (Leithwood & Sun, 2012)5. Alignment isn't abstract—it's how you ensure cuts happen where they'll do the least damage to what matters most. Team Capacity: The Antidote to Doing More with Less Budget cuts inevitably redistribute workloads. Teams with high capacity scores handle this redistribution without breaking. Low-capacity teams see a 34% increase in stress-related leave during contraction periods—creating a costly spiral of more work for fewer people (Bakker & Demerouti, 2017)6. Capacity building isn't optional—it's how you prevent the collapse that comes when fewer people must shoulder more responsibility. Team Execution: The Implementation Insurance Policy When resources are limited, execution failures become exponentially costlier. High-execution teams implement budget reductions with 28% fewer disruptions to core operations and 47% fewer compliance issues (Honig & Hatch, 2014)7. Execution strength isn't a bonus—it's the difference between cuts that succeed and cuts that create cascading new problems. The Unignorable Numbers Teams with strong health metrics implement budget reductions: 11 months faster (Robinson et al., 2019)8 With 22% less staff turnover (Kraft et al., 2020)9 While protecting student outcomes (Fullan, 2021)10 That's not soft—that's hard numbers. The Smallest Possible Action Before you cut another program or position, assess your team's health across the five essential dimensions: Communication: How clearly does information flow? Connection: How strong are interpersonal bonds? Alignment: How unified is your focus on mission? Capacity: How prepared are people to absorb change? Execution: How reliably do you implement decisions? The gap between where you are and where you could be is likely larger than any line item in your budget. The Choice You can invest in team health now or pay significantly more in wasted resources later. During times of constraint, team health isn't a luxury. It's the only fiscally responsible choice. Want to assess where your team stands? info@higherperformancegroup.com for a complimentary Team Health Assessment from Higher Performance Group, helping campus leaders turn budget challenges into opportunities for mission-focused transformation. References Footnotes Edmondson, A. C., & Lei, Z. (2014). Psychological safety: The history, renaissance, and future of an interpersonal construct. Annual Review of Organizational Psychology and Organizational Behavior, 1(1), 23-43. Pentland, A. (2012). The new science of building great teams. Harvard Business Review, 90(4), 60-69. Gallup. (2022). State of the Global Workplace Report. Gallup Press. Society for Human Resource Management. (2023). SHRM Talent Acquisition Benchmark Report. Leithwood, K., & Sun, J. (2012). The nature and effects of transformational school leadership: A meta-analytic review of unpublished research. Educational Administration Quarterly, 48(3), 387-423. Bakker, A. B., & Demerouti, E. (2017). Job demands–resources theory: Taking stock and looking forward. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 22(3), 273-285. Honig, M. I., & Hatch, T. C. (2014). Crafting coherence: How schools strategically manage multiple, external demands. Educational Researcher, 33(8), 16-30. Robinson, V. M., Lloyd, C. A., & Rowe, K. J. (2019). The impact of leadership on student outcomes: An analysis of the differential effects of leadership types. Educational Administration Quarterly, 44(5), 635-674. Kraft, M. A., Marinell, W. H., & Shen-Wei Yee, D. (2020). School organizational contexts, teacher turnover, and student achievement: Evidence from panel data. American Educational Research Journal, 53(5), 1411-1449. Fullan, M. (2021). The right drivers for whole system success. Center for Strategic Education.
Show More
Share by: