4 Ways To Ensure You Become The Type Of Boss Your People Love And Laugh With (Not At)

September 27, 2022

It happens every day.


You’ve seen it, and maybe you’ve done it.


Done what?


Talk about a leader behind their back about everything you think you could never say to their face.


Every day, people vent about their leaders with rolled eyes and snarky jokes.


Most leaders have no clue it’s happening to them.

Please note: The organization's success does not exempt one from the backstage devilries. 


No level of leadership frees you from your weaknesses. You can lead one of the most successful systems in your sector and still have flaws that frustrate your team.


And here is the truth: The higher one transcends up the organizational chart, the more these weaknesses are illuminated. 


So, how do you avoid becoming that leader?


One of the best ways to do that is to make sure your team talks TO you about their challenges.


If your team feels like they can talk TO you, the office drama and gossip drop precipitously. 


So, how exactly do you build the conditions for that?


Here are four keys to creating a culture where people can talk to you as a leader, not just about you when you leave the room. 


I’ll also walk you through some fresh examples of how this reality plays across our HPG team.


If you don’t think this matters, remember—people don’t quit their jobs these days. They leave leaders and cultures.


1. Ask…Then Brace Yourself 

 

The best way to avoid being the leader everyone complains about is to ask your team for feedback. 


Directly. 


Face to face.


Then…brace yourself. 


It would also help if you raised your pain threshold. 


If the feedback you hear from your team surprises or bothers you, don’t tell your face. Smile because your team is giving you a gift.


A current example:

I recently received some feedback from my team as part of an Executive Quarterly {EQ} retreat we did.


I specifically asked them to name where I was getting in the way of our performance. I told them nothing was off-limits, and they didn’t have to worry about my Feeler getting hurt. 


Well…they told me.


Some comments about my leadership included:

  • I can be impulsive.
  • Sometimes, I wig out when things aren’t going well.
  • I micromanage when I’m not sure about the outcome.
  • Sometimes, our mid-term goals seem unclear or vague.


You know what? They were right.


Sure, I was disappointed to hear each of those nuggets of critique, but my frustration was directed at the man in the mirror. I have blind spots, and I am still a work in progress. 


I love my team and their willingness to step in the ring to challenge me with an accurate assessment of my leadership over the last quarter.


Our team often uses the “L” word in our work. 


Love = To Fight FOR the Greatest GOOD of the Other.


Here’s the bottom line. To be a Higher Performance leader, you must raise your pain threshold to hear that kind of feedback directly, honestly, and face to face with your team.


Please note:

  • You can’t wince.
  • You should not deny it.
  • You shouldn’t defend yourself.
  • You can’t sulk.


Once you hear honest feedback, the correct response is a simple “thank you.”


This is the stuff that strengthens your team and culture. 


Sadly, when you look at scandal after scandal across various sectors and leadership spheres, that kind of direct, honest, open feedback is missing because it’s often penalized.


Instead, leaders cultivate cultures of fear, bullying, and self-preservation. In extreme cases, I’ve even heard of dominating leaders forcing staff to resign and demanding they sign NDAs (non-disclosure agreements) on their way out to ensure they won’t talk about how bad things were.


If you want to create irresistible culture, crave the feedback you’d usually curtail, even if it hurts.


Especially if it hurts.


2. Reward It

 

In case you missed it, honest feedback is something you need to reward when given.


Many senior leaders say they’re approachable when that’s not the case.


Remember, even if you think you’re nice, you hold the keys to hiring and firing people. Most people are afraid to tell you the truth because they’re scared of being penalized, pushed to the side, passed over for promotion, or even fired.


So, when you get honest and even critical input, celebrate it.


In our feedback session (and countless other meetings where I get feedback like this), I must remind myself to let my team know that I’m grateful and that this is precisely what they should be doing and need to hear.


Exemplary leaders say things like:

  • Thank you.
  • This feedback is a gift.
  • That’s fair. 
  • I’m grateful you care enough to share that.


If you think it’s risky to do this at work, imagine what would happen if this was the dynamic at home. Trust me. The reward is worth the risk. 


This is the stuff healthy teams do habitually.


And the team will only be as healthy as the leader.


The Time To Optimize Your Campus Performance Is Now

The Lead Team Institute {LTI} is a step-by-step framework for Optimizing Higher Team Performance (when gravitational pull toward average is working against you). 


{LTI} is a complete program of workshops, tools, coaching, and strategies that will equip you to drive Higher Team and System Performance. 


Learn more about the Lead Team Institute

3. Ask More Questions

 

You’ll want to make the honest feedback moments as brief as possible.


Don’t.


When an individual or your team gives you critical feedback, they usually test the waters with something mild and watch for your reaction.


In other words, provoke them to go a few rounds with you to get to the honest truth. 


So, in addition to celebrating what they’ve shared, open another round—in the most open tone possible—by asking questions like:


That was so helpful. Thank you. Anything else?


We should get all interference out on the table.
What else are people seeing? What else could help us grow?


I’m learning and need to know this stuff. Any other thoughts or observations?


Yes, that’s bold, but it’s worth it.


Usually, in round two or three —when people feel safe—the big stuff shows up (my impulsiveness showed up in round three of me asking the question).


Yes, this takes humility. But I’ve learned humility comes through two paths:



  1. Voluntarily
  2. Involuntary


How does involuntary humility happen? Simple: when you get humiliated by others or by a situation. Humiliation is involuntary humility. When you don’t humble yourself, others are happy to do it for you.


I’m trying to be intentional in taking the voluntary path moving forward. 


I don’t always get it right, but I’m fighting hard for me and us.

 

4. Practice the Two-Month Rule

 

Ongoing and honest feedback from your team shouldn’t be an annual event or a performance review phenomenon (the yearly performance review is going the way of the video rental store).

 

You can also have the tightest systems in the world by asking for feedback regularly and still not getting honest responses from your team.


Here is where the “Two Month Rule” comes to play.


If I were your performance coach, I would ask, “when was the last time someone gave you harsh feedback that you took and leveraged to change a leadership behavior that everybody on your team could observe and appreciate?”


If you couldn’t give me an example, I would probably say that your influence is diminishing.


Seriously, if I can’t name a specific challenge that one of my trusted team members gave me in the last two months that helped to keep me off the rocks of average or underperformance, I bet they are also laughing at me and not with me. 


Mic drop.


It got me thinking…have I gone through two-month spurts where all I heard was sunshine? 


Honestly, I’m just not that good. 


And neither are you.


This means it’s time to go back to the team and actively solicit honest feedback.


For me, it’s not just a matter of leading better. It’s a matter of character, care, and credibility. 


I want the people closest to me to become better with me. That includes my wife, kids, friends, and team.


The people closest to you should have the best access to you to be For You. 


Often in leadership, it’s the exact opposite.


Brand New: A Step-By-Step Framework to Optimize Higher Team Performance (when gravitational pull toward average is working against you).


Every leader I know struggles with average-performing systems and is under the gun to improve. Most lack the confidence and collective talent to make it happen. 


I know it’s hard to be that honest to admit you have more questions than solutions. 


If you are hungry for change, we can help. 


Higher Performance Group exists to Optimize Higher Team Performance. 


Don’t think it’s just you and your team who are struggling. That couldn’t be further from the truth. 


So how do you Reclaim Your Momentum (LINK to Reclaim Your Momentum {LIVE}) when you are back in the whirlwind and can’t give up any additional time?


The Lead Team Institute {LTI}  is a step-by-step leadership development solution that integrates within your regular standing leadership meetings. 


In the series of workshops, you will get my entire playbook for Optimizing Higher Team Performance—from start to finish:

  • How to optimize team communication
  • How to optimize team connection
  • How to optimize team alignment
  • How to optimize team capacity
  • How to optimize team execution
  • How to build highly reliable systems


And much more. 

 

The complete package of workshops, tools, assessments, performance coaching and strategies will equip you to build irresistible culture and Higher Team Performance. 


Are you ready to lead your team to higher heights? You can get access to all of it today!

Learn more about the Lead Team Institute

More Blog Articles

By HPG Info • October 20, 2026
Your cabinet is running on countdown math. The leaders who last the longest stopped counting. Sometime this week, in a cabinet meeting somewhere, a smart and decent leader said the most common sentence in American education: "We just have to get to Thanksgiving." On campus it's "We just have to get through census day." Anyone who has sat in the chair has said some version of it. There's an old story from the prisoner-of-war camps in Vietnam. The men who told themselves, "We'll be out by Christmas," often didn't make it. Christmas came and went, then Easter, then another Christmas, and each missed date took something out of them that never came back. The men who held up best had stopped setting dates. They built their days around what they could do inside the walls, and then they did it again the next day. Your district office is not a prison camp. (Though some of you have sat through a budget work session that came close.) The pattern underneath is the same, and it's quietly running most of the cabinets I work with. We've tied our people's energy, morale, and sense of meaning to finish lines we don't control. Below: why arrival never feels the way it was promised, what one prisoner did every morning for seven years that kept him whole, and a two-minute test that tells you whether your team's biggest initiative is still alive. THE DIAGNOSIS · THE FINISH-LINE ECONOMY Count the "just get to" sentences your team says in a normal year. August to Thanksgiving is about 13 weeks. Then four weeks to winter break, roughly 11 to spring break, six to state testing, and six more to June. That's 40 weeks. You've scheduled the entire year as a waiting room. Higher ed runs the same clock under different names: census day, the deposit deadline, the legislative session, the accreditation visit, commencement. The vocabulary changes. The countdown stays. Inside the cabinet it sounds like this. "Once the strategic plan is adopted, things will settle down." "After November, we can finally breathe." "When the new provost starts, the academic side will calm down." Every one of those sentences borrows today's energy against a date that a voter, a search committee, a legislature, or an accreditor controls. Call it the Finish-Line Economy. A cabinet runs its morale on credit and promises to pay it back on arrival. Arrival never pays in full. People are wired to feel a short burst of joy at a win and then drift back to baseline. Olympic gold medalists are the famous case: a striking number fall into depression within weeks of the podium, because the moment they chased for years lasted about a week. (Your referendum passing is not the Olympics. The Wednesday after looks surprisingly similar.) So the finish line comes, the cabinet exhales for a few days, and someone sets the next one. If you're honest, the last three finish lines you crossed probably didn't feel the way you were promised. We also measure what's easy to measure: the vote, the census count, the test scores, the dashboard. Process doesn't fit on a dashboard, so it gets cut first, even though it's where the learning, the judgment, and most of the joy actually come from. Here's the part that should worry every campus leader. Happiness is easy to mistake for a feeling. Feelings are only the evidence. Underneath, well-being research finds three things you can measure and get better at: enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. Among adults under 35, enjoyment and satisfaction haven't dropped. Meaning has cratered. Those are your newest teachers, your youngest faculty, your rising principals and associate deans. Fun was never their complaint. They want to know why the work matters, and a countdown can't tell them. I know the loneliness of being the one who sets the countdown. Everyone in the room is watching you to find out when it gets better, and you're running out of dates. (This is the gap THE TEAM INSTITUTE was built to close. Most leadership development hands the top leader a sharper plan for the next finish line. Across 987 leadership teams , the cabinets that held up under pressure built something different: a shared way of working that makes the work matter on an ordinary Tuesday, whatever the vote or the enrollment number did. A team can learn that. It takes eight months of practice, and I'll come back to it at the end.) TQ IMPLICATION → Finish lines are an IQ product. A smart team can always produce a better plan with a better date on it. Meaning comes from the other two factors. EQ is the shared language that lets a team make sense of a hard week together. PQ is the perceptual accuracy to notice when the room has gone quiet behind the slide deck. TQ = IQ × EQ × PQ. Let meaning drift toward zero and every new plan multiplies into another countdown. So what do the teams that hold up actually do differently? Four things, and none of them requires a retreat. THE FRAMEWORK · COUNT REPS, NOT DAYS Call this Count Reps, Not Days. It moves a cabinet's energy off dates it can't control and back onto work it can. You can teach it to your team in a minute: set a heading, own the reps, name the why, get curious about the detour. 1. Set a heading. Let go of the date. Sailors plot a rhumb line, a straight course from harbor to destination. Every sailor also knows the boat won't stay on it. Wind and current push you off all day, and the line still matters, because it tells you which way to correct. A goal does the same job for a cabinet. "Pass the referendum" is a hope with a date attached. "Hold 40 listening sessions across every attendance area by February" is a heading your team controls. Keep the aim, and stop treating arrival as the reward. (This is why your strategic plan has a gorgeous vision page and a Gantt chart nobody has opened since the board adopted it.) 2. Own the reps. Here's the prisoner I promised you. Facing years as a political prisoner, he made three commitments before he turned himself in. Every day he would do something for his body, something for his mind, and something for his spirit. He prayed with gratitude for whatever was in front of him that day, a strip of sky through the window, a bird going past, and stopped praying for release. He served seven years, much of it in solitary confinement, and walked out without lasting trauma. Prisoners around him who had pinned their hope to a release date were broken by it. A cabinet's reps are smaller and just as daily. One honest debrief after every board meeting. One conversation a week about a decision that went wrong, held before anyone assigns blame. One teaching rep, where a cabinet member walks the team through something they're still learning. (Reps are also the first thing cut from a busy agenda, right after professional development.) Reps do something else most leaders never think about. Your gut is stored experience: every hard call, every mistake, every recovery, filed somewhere below words. Skip the struggle, hand it to a consultant or a chatbot, and ten years later the shelves are empty. Process is what fills the gut your board is paying for. 3. Name the why, out loud, every week. Meaning has three parts. Coherence is understanding why things happen the way they do. Purpose is knowing where you're headed. Significance is knowing why any of it matters. Countdown cabinets talk almost entirely about purpose: timelines, deliverables, dates. Coherence and significance get skipped because nobody put them on the agenda. That's exactly where your under-35 staff are starving, and if we're being candid, so is your cabinet. Ask anyone about the project they loved most in their career. Almost nobody names the biggest win. They name something that may not have worked at all, where a group of people threw themselves at a hard thing together. People remember the doing, with each other, long after they forget the result. 4. Get curious about the detour. When something goes off plan, cabinets tend to say one of two things. "Oh no." Or, "Huh. What's this, and what can we make of it?" The second response is curiosity, and it's far more teachable than most leaders assume. Somewhere between 40 and 80 percent of our emotional wiring is inherited, which leaves 20 to 60 percent shaped by environment. In a cabinet, the top leader sets most of that environment. It helps to treat bad feelings as signals. Fear, anger, and sadness are your brain flagging a threat. They aren't verdicts. And we learn very little when things go well. Nearly all of it comes when they go badly. Zoom out and the pattern gets stronger. Adults go through a major unplanned disruption, a lost job or a lost person or a sudden move, roughly every five years. More than nine in ten people experience it as unwelcome while it's happening and later call it beneficial. Think of a college freshman's first semester: lonely and miserable in real time, and the thing they laugh about at every reunion. The in-between stretch, when the old thing is gone and the new one hasn't arrived, is the most fertile learning time you'll ever get. Most of us spend it waiting for it to be over. THE SEAT YOU'RE IN · TREAT IT AS SCHOOL One more thing before Monday, and this part is for you, not your cabinet. Most careers aren't a ladder. They're a string of four or five distinct careers, and most of us never get told that. When leaders start wondering what's next, they usually ask, "What am I already good at?" That question leads to reapplying old skills in a new building, which feels safe and often goes flat. The better question is, "What am I most interested in?" Interest almost never fails you. Getting there may mean going backward for a while on title, salary, or prestige. Call that tuition. Every step sideways is a return to school, and the leaders who reinvent well are the ones who can enjoy being a beginner again. Some leaders between seats do something older than any search firm. They walk. A long walk, days or weeks, with no agenda except the question. People have done it for thousands of years for a reason: the answer usually shows up on the trail. The same principle builds better cabinets. Nobody is interested in everything. Put people where their interest lives, and let the team cover each other's blind spots. The rules for how to succeed were written for an average person, and there isn't one. That's PQ at its most practical: seeing your people clearly enough to seat them where they come alive. MONDAY MORNING Here's what to do Monday (assuming you're not already counting down to Friday, in which case, start Tuesday): Step 1: Run the Countdown Audit (10 minutes, on your own). Write down every "once X happens" sentence you or your cabinet has said in the last month. Mark each one C if your team controls the date, or H if you're hoping someone else delivers it. If most of the list is H, your team's morale is on loan from people who don't attend your meetings. Step 2: Take the 80-20-0 Reading (15 minutes, next cabinet meeting). This is the test I mentioned at the top. Name your biggest current initiative. Ask each cabinet member to privately write three numbers that add to 100: excitement, fear, and deadness. Deadness is the hollow feeling of picturing two more years of this work and feeling nothing. A healthy reading for anything worth doing lands near 80 excitement, 20 fear, and zero deadness. Some fear is good news, since it means the thing could fail and therefore matters. If fear runs high, your team needs support. If deadness shows up for more than two people, you have a meaning problem, and no new timeline will fix it. (Collect the cards face down. Otherwise you'll get eight copies of whatever the boss wrote.) Step 3: Turn one finish line into a heading (20 minutes). Take one H item from Step 1. Rewrite it as a heading your team controls, then name two weekly reps and who owns each. Open the next meeting by naming the thing on this week's calendar nobody is looking forward to, and what it might teach you. Close it with "why this week mattered." "Our board measures outcomes, not process." Of course it does. Keeping score is the board's job. Yours is running the practice that moves the score, and practice is the only part of the season you actually control. "This sounds soft for the year we're having." A hard year is exactly when finish lines fail you. If the vote, the enrollment number, or the legislature goes the wrong way, a countdown cabinet has nothing left. A cabinet with reps still has Monday. THE MATURITY SHIFT Immature leaders think: "We'll feel better once we get through this." Mature leaders think: "We'll get through this by what we practice every week." Immature leaders set dates they don't control. Mature leaders set headings and own the reps. Immature leaders hear "oh no." Mature leaders ask "what's this?" Immature leaders save meaning for the celebration. Mature leaders put it on Monday's agenda. ❝ A finish line gives your team one good week. A practice gives them the other fifty-one. ❞ ❝ You can't schedule being alive for later. Monday is the only one you've got. ❞ Your turn. What's the "once we get through ___" sentence your cabinet has been saying the longest, and what has the waiting cost you? Put it in the comments. Someone reading this is counting down to the same date. FROM DR. JOE One question before you go. When your cabinet crosses its next finish line, what do you expect to feel the week after? If you've been in the chair a while, you already know. A few days of relief, then the next date shows up and the team starts borrowing against it again. How long has your cabinet been running on that cycle? And what happens to your best people, especially the ones under 35, if the only answer you can give to "why does this matter?" is a date on the calendar? That gap compounds quietly. Strong directors drift toward places that can answer the question. The top leader ends up carrying the meaning alone, and the countdown gets lonelier every year. Now picture the other version. Your cabinet still cares about the vote and the enrollment number, and it has built weekly practices that make the work matter on an ordinary Tuesday. When the finish line moves, that team corrects course and keeps its heart. That's the cabinet THE TEAM INSTITUTE builds over eight months, one practice at a time, grounded in the TQ research behind IQ × EQ × PQ across 987 leadership teams in 43 states: 📈 3x performance improvement 🤝 29% higher engagement 🎯 27% better organizational outcomes 🧭 Zero increase in burnout You don't have to commit to eight months to learn where your team stands. The Team Intelligence Assessment shows how your cabinet thinks, decides, and perceives together, including where meaning is leaking out between the dates. It may tell you you're in good shape. That's worth knowing too. Would it help to see it before your next finish line arrives? Start here: https://www.higherperformancegroup.com/team-intelligence-assessment And if this one landed, pass it to a peer who's counting down to the same date. Repost it with your own "once we get through" sentence, or tag the cabinet member who always asks why. They should know you noticed.  Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group .
By HPG Info • October 13, 2026
Eight principles from superintendents and college presidents across eight states on leading through hard seasons, choosing the right seat, and staying grounded as pressure builds. On October 7, superintendents and college presidents from Alabama, Arizona, California, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Ohio, and Washington gave an hour of the busiest month of the fall to a question most leaders carry alone: What do builders do when the season gets hard? The session was planned around a framework. The room turned it into something closer to group counsel. Leaders in strong seasons stayed to hear from leaders in harder ones, and leaders who had come through a hard stretch explained how they did it. The hour produced eight practical principles worth sharing with others in the same good fight. This paper records what they built: eight principles, the evidence behind each one, and a question for every cabinet in the country to take into its next meeting. EXECUTIVE SUMMARY The superintendency and the college presidency are carrying more weight than at any point in a generation. Superintendent turnover sits well above pre-pandemic norms. The average presidency is nearly three years shorter than it was in 2006. More than one in three superintendents report recent threats. Under that weight, the biggest decisions of a career (stay, step, or leave) usually get made alone, inside the hardest weeks, with nobody checking the read. HPG calls this the Lonely Leader Loop. It's a flaw in how the seat is built, and the roundtable exists to break it. The room produced eight principles: See below. THE CONTEXT · A PROFESSION CARRYING MORE WEIGHT 23% of the nation's 500 largest districts changed superintendents in a single recent year, against a pre-pandemic norm of 14 to 16% 5.9 years is the average college presidency, down from 8.5 in 2006 1 in 3+ superintendents in a national survey said they had recently been threatened or felt threatened 63% said they or people close to them were increasingly worried about superintendents' well-being Resignation is now the largest single category of superintendent departure. Some of those exits are the right call. What concerns me is how the call gets made: at 11:40 on a Sunday night, alone, with the board packet open. From the inside, a hard season and a wrong seat feel identical. You're tired, your patience runs short, and Sunday night starts around 2 p.m. on Saturday. They call for opposite responses. A hard season asks for patience and support. A wrong seat asks for redesign. I know that night from the inside. In 2013, a year after my own superintendency was running at a five, a new board majority and a pulmonary embolism arrived in the same season. My doctor told me I should not have survived. When I recovered, I rode a bicycle around Lake Superior, against medical advice, stopping at every campus and district office along the way to ask what they were proud of. I called it the Persuade Me Tour. I needed someone to persuade me the work was still worth my life. They did. The conversations that started on that ride became THE PROOF, a keynote built on nearly 200 on-camera interviews with K-12 and higher education leaders. It names ten traits of a Builder. The October roundtable worked the first one: telling a hard season from the wrong seat. We opened with a pulse check. On a fist-to-five scale, from a fist for a season knocking the floorboards out to five for never better, most hands showed a mix of responses. That detail matters. Groups of educators tend to gather around the ones and twos, and that empathy, useful for a moment, can keep a colleague in the hole longer. So the room named its good seasons without apology. Then the leaders in strong seasons spent the hour making the path clearer for everyone else. (That is a fair description of what a Builder does.) TQ IMPLICATION → When the season gets hard, most leaders reach for IQ: one more plan, one more credential. The room reached for the other two factors. EQ is the grace to sit with a shortfall without turning it into blame. PQ is the perceptual accuracy to tell a season from a seat, which almost nobody can do alone from inside one. TQ = IQ × EQ × PQ. Let perception drift toward zero and all the intelligence in the building multiplies into a confident wrong answer. (A quick word before the principles. How much of what makes a seat feel wrong comes from a cabinet that passes the weight upward? Across 987 leadership teams, I've watched that pattern make a good leader in the right seat feel like they're in the wrong one. THE TEAM INSTITUTE spends eight months building the other kind of cabinet, one that sees the whole board together. Plenty of seats that feel wrong are simply lonely, and a team can fix lonely.) THE EIGHT PRINCIPLES The roundtable runs on one rule: ideas leave the room, stories stay in it. The principles below are reported without attribution. Leaders quoted by name are speaking from on-camera interviews they recorded for THE PROOF. 01 · A Bad Season Is Not a Bad Calling The first principle came straight from the session question. A hard season and a wrong fit produce the same symptoms: exhausted, discouraged, done. Leaders described how hard it is to tell the two apart from inside the worst week, and how much it helps to say it out loud to someone who has been there. Dr. Rick Cobb , superintendent of Mid-Del Public Schools in the Oklahoma City metro, described a year on THE PROOF that tested him harder than 2020 did. He made no permanent decision from inside it. He stayed, and the year that followed became one of the best of his career. ❝ "The yuck never lasts. When I go, I want to go out on a YUM of a year." ❞ — Dr. Rick Cobb What the evidence adds. Chronic exhaustion tracks a mismatch between a person and the job across six areas: workload, control, reward, community, fairness, and values. Long hours alone predict it far less well. A hard season usually shows strain in one or two areas that can be expected to ease. A wrong seat shows a persistent gap in values or control that rest will not close. For your cabinet: Which of the six areas is carrying the strain on your team right now, and is it the kind that eases or the kind that stays? 02 · The Intentional Step The room spent real time on a move most leaders never consider: stepping sideways, or down a rung, to reach work that fits. Conventional career advice treats a smaller title as a setback. Leaders who had made the move described it as the turning point. They were candid about why it's hard: the blow to the ego, the worry about what colleagues will think, the stretch of not knowing what comes next. Several said the deciding voice belonged to someone close to them who reminded them the choice was bigger than one job or one place. Dr. Amy Diaz, EdD , president of GateWay Community College in Phoenix, told me on camera for THE PROOF that twenty-two years into her career, she recognized her role no longer fit her calling. She stayed in the field, stepped off the ladder, and moved into a different corner of the institution. That step sideways carried her to a presidency faster than the ladder would have. What the evidence adds. Research on professionals who reinvent their careers finds that successful moves rarely follow a plan worked out in advance. People test possible selves through small experiments, new networks, and roles that look like detours, and the new identity becomes clear in the doing. When the calling is intact and the gap is in the seat, a different seat in the same field is often the fix. For your cabinet: Who on your team is in the wrong seat in the right field, and what would a lateral move look like for them? 03 · Performance = Potential − Interference This equation anchors HPG's work. When things get hard, leaders load up on potential: a new initiative, a wider network, another credential. (This is how a strategic plan ends up with four new priorities and zero retirements.) Far less effort goes into naming the friction that drains the week and removing it. The room sharpened the point. Some interference can be mitigated and some cannot. A problem can be solved. A situation can't. Mortality is a situation, and a stakeholder fixed in permanent opposition may be one too. Treating a situation as a problem burns the energy a leader needs for the problems that will actually move. When a leader has done everything in their power and the interference still won't move, the question changes: is my staying helping this institution, or costing it? What the evidence adds. Decades of performance-coaching research point the same direction: removing what blocks people from capability they already have produces larger gains than stacking new capability on top of unresolved friction. Design researchers have a name for the unsolvable kind, gravity problems. When an obstacle can't be acted on, the advice is to accept it as a fact of life and move the effort elsewhere. For your cabinet: List the three biggest sources of friction in your week. Which are problems you can solve, and which are situations you need to stop trying to fix? 04 · Grace Belongs in the Equation A participant added a term the equation leaves out. Leaders who see the gap between their potential and their results need to extend grace to themselves first, then to their teams: sit with the shortfall, accept it, then line everyone back up for students and community. Grace is a discipline a leader practices personally before asking a team to practice it. The room drew a second implication. Every leader at that table makes decisions that change the season of someone else's career. The person who loses a role this year may be leading a campus or a district in ten. Hearing peers describe the decisions that shaped their own careers was, several said, a reminder to keep the human side in view when they are the ones deciding. What the evidence adds. In controlled experiments, people who responded to a failure with self-compassion were more motivated to improve, studied longer after a failed test, and were more committed to repairing a mistake than those who responded with self-criticism. The broader research links self-compassion to resilience without any drop in standards. Grace keeps people in the work long enough to get better at it. For your cabinet: When your team missed its last big target, what did you model first: grace or blame? 05 · A Calling Removes the Need to Prove The word vocation comes from the Latin vocare, to call. Don Killingbeck Jr., C.D.L., Ed.D. , superintendent of Hemlock Public Schools in Michigan, describes his work on THE PROOF as a calling and names what a calling lifts off a leader: the question of what you are trying to prove. Dr. John J. Sygielski 🏳️🌈 , president emeritus of HACC, Central Pennsylvania's Community College, describes the work as changing lives, destinies, and family trees. Nobody performs for a room when they are thinking about family trees. Several leaders described choosing education over more lucrative or prestigious paths, sometimes against the expectations of the people who raised them. Their stories differed. Their conclusion matched: the work pays in the difference it makes, and that payment keeps them in it. I offered the room a distinction between the "me" and the "I." The "me" is shaped by role, upbringing, hometown, and the power structure: where to sit, who to talk to, how to win. The "I" is the self that was called to the work in the first place. Every leader in these seats plays the "me" some, because the work is political. The more often the "I" makes the call, the more freedom leaders report. What the evidence adds. People who see their work as a calling report the highest life and work satisfaction and miss the fewest days of work, even compared with colleagues in the same occupation and pay grade. The risk runs the other way too. A leader who reads a bad season as proof the calling was wrong can walk away from the very orientation that was protecting them. For your cabinet: Which of your current decisions is the "me" making, and what would the "I" decide? 06 · Leave on Your Own Terms Every leader in these seats will leave one day. The room made the case that the how and the when should be the leader's decision as often as possible. An exit can be planned, negotiated, announced in the leader's own words, and handed off with care. Leaders who had done it described relief more than loss, and a stronger position for whatever came next. That choice depends on preparation made years earlier. Advice from a state association mentor, relayed in the room, drew nods all around: pay down debt and build savings early, because boards change and people at home depend on you. A leader who can afford to walk away is free to make the right decision for students while staying. What the evidence adds. Public-sector leaders have a specific advantage. Distributions from a governmental 457(b) plan after separation from the employer are not subject to the 10% additional tax on early withdrawals that applies to 403(b) and 401(k) plans before age 59½. Every leader should consult their own advisors, and the principle holds: financial readiness turns a forced exit into a chosen one. How a leader leaves, and who tells the story, shapes the next role and the institution left behind. For your cabinet: If you had to leave your seat in 90 days, would it be on your terms? What would need to be true for the answer to be yes? 07 · Keep Your Grounding When the Culture Won't Leaders across the country face two pressures that test their footing. The first comes from outside: anonymous public attacks, increasingly assisted by AI, that repackage an institution's own public data to suggest wrongdoing. Strong results offer little protection. The second comes from inside. Long-standing adult habits can drift from the standard a little each year until nobody notices anymore, because it has always been done that way. A leader who names the drift can start to feel like the one who has it wrong. The room's answer to both was the same. Control what you can control. Find a reference point outside the system (a peer, a state association, a coach) who will tell you plainly whether what you're seeing is normal. And remember that protecting students is part of the job. What the evidence adds. Studies of high-stakes organizational failures describe a pattern called normalization of deviance: people inside an organization gradually accept a practice that falls outside the standard because nothing bad has happened yet, until the deviation becomes the standard. Insiders often can't see it, which is why an outsider's reaction matters. National survey data also shows more than half of superintendents reporting more contentious board meetings. Leaders facing this pressure are part of a documented national pattern. For your cabinet: Who outside your organization will tell you the truth when your own culture has started to normalize something it shouldn't? 08 · The Job and the Role I closed with a distinction for leaders weighing whether to stay. The job of a superintendent or president is to make great decisions. The role is culture builder: forging the principles an institution lives by, grounded in a demanding kind of love that fights for the greatest good of everyone the institution serves. If you're driving the right culture forward, press on, hard season and all. If the same interference blocks the role again and again, and the only reason left to stay is a pension milestone, the question becomes: what is it all worth? Leaders who answer that honestly and act on the answer are what I call liberated leaders. Dr. Will Darter, Ed.D , superintendent of Everton R-III Schools in Missouri, put the answer most of us are hoping for in one line on THE PROOF. ❝ "We continuously and relentlessly believe in people. We believe in the places folks forget about. That's where we're called as leaders." ❞ — Dr. Will Darter For your cabinet: Where is your role as culture builder blocked right now, and is it blocked by a problem or a situation? WHAT THIS ROOM DID DIFFERENTLY · FIVE PRACTICES WORTH COPYING They named a good season out loud. Leaders in strong seasons used that stability to listen to peers in harder ones. They tested the diagnosis before acting. Leaders who had come through hard seasons described waiting, testing, and talking it through before making a permanent move. They sorted problems from situations. Energy went to what could be solved. What couldn't be solved was named and set down. They prepared for the exit long before they needed it. Debt paid down, savings built, and a transition planned in their own words. They looked outside for a reality check. Peers outside the system confirmed what a leader inside it was seeing. IMPLICATIONS · BEYOND THE ROOM For superintendents and presidents. Make no permanent decision from inside the worst month. Name your season out loud to one trusted peer first, and build the financial runway that keeps every option yours. For cabinets. A cabinet that can talk about seasons openly, good ones included, gives its leader the perceptual check no individual can supply alone. That is PQ at work, and it is a team capacity before it is a personal one. For boards and trustees. A board that treats a candid conversation about a hard season as a resignation risk teaches its leader to stop having candid conversations. Stability in the top seat starts with a leader who can say "this is a hard season" out loud without it becoming the story. A 35-MINUTE PROTOCOL FOR MONDAY Step 1: Run a fist-to-five (5 minutes, next cabinet meeting). Ask everyone to show where their season stands. Name the fours and fives first. Then meet the ones and twos with grace before plans. (If every hand shows a five in October, somebody isn't telling you something.) Step 2: Run three sorts on your heaviest strain (20 minutes, on your own). Ease or stay? Problem or situation? Me or I? Strain that will ease, problems you can solve, and a choice the "I" would make all point to a season. A persistent gap in values or control, a situation you keep trying to fix, and a choice the "me" is driving deserve a longer conversation with someone outside your walls. Step 3: Calculate your freedom runway (10 minutes, at home). Divide your accessible savings by one month of household expenses. That number is how many months you could go without this paycheck. Then ask whether that number lets you make the right decision for students while you stay. THE MATURITY SHIFT Immature leaders think: "This month is the verdict on my career." Mature leaders think: "This month is data, and I'll read it with someone who's been there." Immature leaders add when it gets hard. Mature leaders subtract first. Immature leaders let the "me" protect the title. Mature leaders let the "I" choose the seat. Immature leaders carry the season alone so nobody worries. Mature leaders let someone outside the walls check the read. ❝ The worst year of a career can sit one year before the best one. Don't let the worst month write the ending. ❞ Your turn. What did the hardest season of your career teach you that the best one never could? Tell us in the comments. Someone reading this in their own hard October needs proof that seasons end. FROM DR. JOE Who do you call when the season gets hard? I mean someone outside your system who has sat in the same chair and will tell you plainly whether what you're seeing is normal. For a lot of leaders the honest answer is nobody, and that gap gets more expensive every year. The pressure from outside is louder. The drift inside is quieter. A leader standing in both can't see either one clearly. What does it cost to make a permanent decision on a read nobody else has checked? Picture the other version: a small table of peers who know the weight without being told, where leaders in strong seasons stay to hear from leaders in harder ones. That's what happened on October 7. The next Peer-to-Peer Leadership Roundtable meets January 6, 2027 , continuing THE PROOF's ten Builder traits. One hour, peers only, capped at 25 seats. You don't need to be in a hard season to come. Some of October's most valuable voices belonged to the fours. Save your seat: https://www.higherperformancegroup.com/p2p-page If this paper helped, pass it to one superintendent or president who should be at that table, and tag a leader above to thank them for the hour they gave. P.S. This month I'm kicking off Operation 100 PROOF: 100 THE PROOF talks on campuses and at conferences over the next 12 months. If a room comes to mind (an opening-day crowd, a board retreat, a state association conference), message me directly or email info@higherperfromancegroup.com . Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group . Data note: Figures are drawn from national superintendent and college president research cited in HPG's October 2026 Executive Brief, Season or Seat. Full sources are available on request.
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