4 Ways To Ensure You Become The Type Of Boss Your People Love And Laugh With (Not At)

September 27, 2022

It happens every day.


You’ve seen it, and maybe you’ve done it.


Done what?


Talk about a leader behind their back about everything you think you could never say to their face.


Every day, people vent about their leaders with rolled eyes and snarky jokes.


Most leaders have no clue it’s happening to them.

Please note: The organization's success does not exempt one from the backstage devilries. 


No level of leadership frees you from your weaknesses. You can lead one of the most successful systems in your sector and still have flaws that frustrate your team.


And here is the truth: The higher one transcends up the organizational chart, the more these weaknesses are illuminated. 


So, how do you avoid becoming that leader?


One of the best ways to do that is to make sure your team talks TO you about their challenges.


If your team feels like they can talk TO you, the office drama and gossip drop precipitously. 


So, how exactly do you build the conditions for that?


Here are four keys to creating a culture where people can talk to you as a leader, not just about you when you leave the room. 


I’ll also walk you through some fresh examples of how this reality plays across our HPG team.


If you don’t think this matters, remember—people don’t quit their jobs these days. They leave leaders and cultures.


1. Ask…Then Brace Yourself 

 

The best way to avoid being the leader everyone complains about is to ask your team for feedback. 


Directly. 


Face to face.


Then…brace yourself. 


It would also help if you raised your pain threshold. 


If the feedback you hear from your team surprises or bothers you, don’t tell your face. Smile because your team is giving you a gift.


A current example:

I recently received some feedback from my team as part of an Executive Quarterly {EQ} retreat we did.


I specifically asked them to name where I was getting in the way of our performance. I told them nothing was off-limits, and they didn’t have to worry about my Feeler getting hurt. 


Well…they told me.


Some comments about my leadership included:

  • I can be impulsive.
  • Sometimes, I wig out when things aren’t going well.
  • I micromanage when I’m not sure about the outcome.
  • Sometimes, our mid-term goals seem unclear or vague.


You know what? They were right.


Sure, I was disappointed to hear each of those nuggets of critique, but my frustration was directed at the man in the mirror. I have blind spots, and I am still a work in progress. 


I love my team and their willingness to step in the ring to challenge me with an accurate assessment of my leadership over the last quarter.


Our team often uses the “L” word in our work. 


Love = To Fight FOR the Greatest GOOD of the Other.


Here’s the bottom line. To be a Higher Performance leader, you must raise your pain threshold to hear that kind of feedback directly, honestly, and face to face with your team.


Please note:

  • You can’t wince.
  • You should not deny it.
  • You shouldn’t defend yourself.
  • You can’t sulk.


Once you hear honest feedback, the correct response is a simple “thank you.”


This is the stuff that strengthens your team and culture. 


Sadly, when you look at scandal after scandal across various sectors and leadership spheres, that kind of direct, honest, open feedback is missing because it’s often penalized.


Instead, leaders cultivate cultures of fear, bullying, and self-preservation. In extreme cases, I’ve even heard of dominating leaders forcing staff to resign and demanding they sign NDAs (non-disclosure agreements) on their way out to ensure they won’t talk about how bad things were.


If you want to create irresistible culture, crave the feedback you’d usually curtail, even if it hurts.


Especially if it hurts.


2. Reward It

 

In case you missed it, honest feedback is something you need to reward when given.


Many senior leaders say they’re approachable when that’s not the case.


Remember, even if you think you’re nice, you hold the keys to hiring and firing people. Most people are afraid to tell you the truth because they’re scared of being penalized, pushed to the side, passed over for promotion, or even fired.


So, when you get honest and even critical input, celebrate it.


In our feedback session (and countless other meetings where I get feedback like this), I must remind myself to let my team know that I’m grateful and that this is precisely what they should be doing and need to hear.


Exemplary leaders say things like:

  • Thank you.
  • This feedback is a gift.
  • That’s fair. 
  • I’m grateful you care enough to share that.


If you think it’s risky to do this at work, imagine what would happen if this was the dynamic at home. Trust me. The reward is worth the risk. 


This is the stuff healthy teams do habitually.


And the team will only be as healthy as the leader.


The Time To Optimize Your Campus Performance Is Now

The Lead Team Institute {LTI} is a step-by-step framework for Optimizing Higher Team Performance (when gravitational pull toward average is working against you). 


{LTI} is a complete program of workshops, tools, coaching, and strategies that will equip you to drive Higher Team and System Performance. 


Learn more about the Lead Team Institute

3. Ask More Questions

 

You’ll want to make the honest feedback moments as brief as possible.


Don’t.


When an individual or your team gives you critical feedback, they usually test the waters with something mild and watch for your reaction.


In other words, provoke them to go a few rounds with you to get to the honest truth. 


So, in addition to celebrating what they’ve shared, open another round—in the most open tone possible—by asking questions like:


That was so helpful. Thank you. Anything else?


We should get all interference out on the table.
What else are people seeing? What else could help us grow?


I’m learning and need to know this stuff. Any other thoughts or observations?


Yes, that’s bold, but it’s worth it.


Usually, in round two or three —when people feel safe—the big stuff shows up (my impulsiveness showed up in round three of me asking the question).


Yes, this takes humility. But I’ve learned humility comes through two paths:



  1. Voluntarily
  2. Involuntary


How does involuntary humility happen? Simple: when you get humiliated by others or by a situation. Humiliation is involuntary humility. When you don’t humble yourself, others are happy to do it for you.


I’m trying to be intentional in taking the voluntary path moving forward. 


I don’t always get it right, but I’m fighting hard for me and us.

 

4. Practice the Two-Month Rule

 

Ongoing and honest feedback from your team shouldn’t be an annual event or a performance review phenomenon (the yearly performance review is going the way of the video rental store).

 

You can also have the tightest systems in the world by asking for feedback regularly and still not getting honest responses from your team.


Here is where the “Two Month Rule” comes to play.


If I were your performance coach, I would ask, “when was the last time someone gave you harsh feedback that you took and leveraged to change a leadership behavior that everybody on your team could observe and appreciate?”


If you couldn’t give me an example, I would probably say that your influence is diminishing.


Seriously, if I can’t name a specific challenge that one of my trusted team members gave me in the last two months that helped to keep me off the rocks of average or underperformance, I bet they are also laughing at me and not with me. 


Mic drop.


It got me thinking…have I gone through two-month spurts where all I heard was sunshine? 


Honestly, I’m just not that good. 


And neither are you.


This means it’s time to go back to the team and actively solicit honest feedback.


For me, it’s not just a matter of leading better. It’s a matter of character, care, and credibility. 


I want the people closest to me to become better with me. That includes my wife, kids, friends, and team.


The people closest to you should have the best access to you to be For You. 


Often in leadership, it’s the exact opposite.


Brand New: A Step-By-Step Framework to Optimize Higher Team Performance (when gravitational pull toward average is working against you).


Every leader I know struggles with average-performing systems and is under the gun to improve. Most lack the confidence and collective talent to make it happen. 


I know it’s hard to be that honest to admit you have more questions than solutions. 


If you are hungry for change, we can help. 


Higher Performance Group exists to Optimize Higher Team Performance. 


Don’t think it’s just you and your team who are struggling. That couldn’t be further from the truth. 


So how do you Reclaim Your Momentum (LINK to Reclaim Your Momentum {LIVE}) when you are back in the whirlwind and can’t give up any additional time?


The Lead Team Institute {LTI}  is a step-by-step leadership development solution that integrates within your regular standing leadership meetings. 


In the series of workshops, you will get my entire playbook for Optimizing Higher Team Performance—from start to finish:

  • How to optimize team communication
  • How to optimize team connection
  • How to optimize team alignment
  • How to optimize team capacity
  • How to optimize team execution
  • How to build highly reliable systems


And much more. 

 

The complete package of workshops, tools, assessments, performance coaching and strategies will equip you to build irresistible culture and Higher Team Performance. 


Are you ready to lead your team to higher heights? You can get access to all of it today!

Learn more about the Lead Team Institute

More Blog Articles

By HPG Info August 25, 2026
LEADER INSIGHTS · RESEARCH BRIEF — SPECIAL EDITION Your graduates aren't struggling because they're not smart enough. Smart was never the whole test. Here's a pattern nobody wants to say out loud during convocation season: while you're telling your faculty and your cabinet what this year is going to be, the customers you exist to serve have started reading the label before they buy the product. Confidence in higher education just slipped — across both political parties, across every level of educational attainment, according to Gallup .¹ Not a soft dip. A structural one. And here's the plot twist that should actually worry you: it's not the people without degrees who are most spooked about the job market right now. It's the people with them. Only 19% of degree-holders say it's a good time to find a quality job. Among people without a degree? 35%.¹ Sit with that for a second. The product built to guarantee confidence is now producing more anxiety than the alternative it was supposed to beat. That's not a marketing problem. That's not even an economy problem. It's a math problem. And it's the same math problem sitting in your cabinet right now. You're about to stand up this week — at convocation, at the opening cabinet retreat, at the all-staff kickoff — and tell your people what this year is going to be. Before you do, it's worth asking yourself the same question you're about to ask them to trust. The Diagnosis: You've Been Grading the Wrong Variable for a Century Let's talk about this like adults who've listened to twelve too many people talk smart about AI this week. You know the conversation with the anxious parent in your office — the one who wants to know if the $120,000 investment is "still worth it," and you give the answer you've given for twenty years, and for the first time you feel the words land a little softer than they used to. (You believe it. You're just not sure she believes you believe it.) You know the board meeting where someone puts up the enrollment funnel and everyone stares at the same slide a beat too long, because the international pipeline that used to quietly subsidize three other programs just dropped 17% in a single admissions cycle, according to NAFSA's fall 2025 enrollment survey ² — north of a billion dollars pulled out of American higher ed in one year, and nearly 23,000 jobs with it. You know the superintendent's version of this same meeting: a senior sitting across from you saying, almost apologetically, that she's choosing welding certification over the university track — not because she can't do the work, but because she did the math on debt and outcome and the math didn't cooperate. Here's the question worth asking yourself before you defend the model one more time: when a 17-year-old tells you "there's just so much volatility, you can't guarantee the same success a degree used to promise" — is she wrong, or is she just the first person in the room willing to say what the data's been showing for a decade? I know the loneliness of being the person who has to keep believing in the system publicly while quietly running the numbers privately. That's not weakness. That's the position. Here's the root cause, and it's not effort, and it's not talent, and it's not even AI, though AI is the accelerant. For a hundred years, the credential has been built to certify exactly one thing: individual intelligence. GPA. Test scores. Degree completion. IQ, full stop. It was a brilliant single-variable machine for an economy that only needed to check one box. The market stopped needing one variable. Employers don't just want people who know things anymore — AI already knows things, faster and cheaper. What they're asking for instead has nearly tripled since last fall, per NACE ⁵: the ability to work with other people and with the machine, read a room, adapt under ambiguity, and produce something a spreadsheet can't. That's not IQ. That's the two variables your transcript was never built to measure. TQ = IQ × EQ × PQ. Miss a variable, and the whole equation — the whole credential — collapses toward zero. Which is a very academic way of saying: your diploma has been grading one-third of the exam and calling it complete. (Here's the uncomfortable parallel: the same single-variable blindness sitting in your degree programs is very likely sitting in your own cabinet. Your leadership team was hired and promoted almost entirely on IQ, rarely measured on the sequential competencies — Trust, Empowerment, Collaboration, Influence, Change, Conflict — that determine whether a team multiplies or just coexists in the same building. This is the exact gap THE TEAM INSTITUTE was built to close — not by making eight smart people smarter individually, but by building the collective architecture underneath them. More on that in a moment.) The Framework: The Three-Variable Transcript Call it the Three-Variable Transcript. Or don't — it'll still explain why the earnings premium on a bachelor's degree, per Economic Policy Institute wage data ³, has fallen from a peak above 60% to 55% overall, and from 51% down to 40% for workers in their twenties, in under a decade. (For a $60,000 starting salary, that gap is the difference between roughly $30,600 and $24,000 in the premium alone — a back-of-envelope $6,600 a year, compounding across a forty-year career into six figures nobody budgeted for.) 1. IQ — Individual Intelligence. This is the only variable your GPA has ever measured. Necessary. No longer sufficient. Your transcript can certify that a 22-year-old memorized the material. It cannot certify that she can sit in a room with seven other capable people and help them think together under pressure — which happens to be the actual job description of nearly everyone hiring her. 2. EQ — Emotional and Communication Intelligence. The dimension every job posting demands ("strong communication skills required") and almost no institution grades. You can graduate summa cum laude and never once be evaluated on whether you can hold a disagreement in a room without it becoming a grudge. (If this were a driver's license, we'd be handing out licenses to people who've never merged onto a highway.) 3. PQ — Perceptual and Positional Intelligence. The dimension nobody names because most administrators didn't know it existed until about forty seconds ago. It's the capacity to read what's actually happening in a room, a team, a system — and know where you fit inside it. It's also, not coincidentally, exactly what a welder, an HVAC tech, or an aviation maintenance apprentice gets trained on daily, because their credential was never allowed to be purely theoretical. Their test is a system that either works or doesn't, in front of witnesses. That last point is the uncomfortable one. The credentials gaining the most trust right now — trade certifications, short AI fluency programs, apprenticeship pipelines, and the fellowships Palantir and Peter Thiel are now marketing directly to talented high schoolers as a way to skip the degree entirely ⁶ — aren't winning because they're easier. They're winning because they were forced, by the nature of the work, to grade all three variables. Higher ed built a single-variable machine and called it comprehensive. The trades built a three-variable machine and never bothered to brand it. Let me tell you about a university president I'll call Theo. (Not the real name — but Theo, if you're reading this, you and your provost both know exactly who this is.) Theo ran a solid regional university — good faculty, respectable outcomes, the kind of institution nobody writes headlines about, which used to be the safest place to be. Then two things happened in the same eighteen months: the international enrollment line went from 11% of the budget to 6%, and the local high school career center started sending Theo's target applicants to a two-year advanced-manufacturing program instead — with a full-time job offer already attached. Theo's first instinct was marketing. New brochures. A rebrand. A task force. (You know this task force. Every institution has run one.) The turning point came when Theo stopped asking "how do we sell the degree better" and started asking the question underneath it: what does our transcript actually certify, and does it match what employers in this labor market are actually buying? The answer was uncomfortable. The transcript certified IQ beautifully and EQ/PQ almost by accident — through a good roommate situation, a demanding professor, a lucky internship. Nothing structural. Nothing guaranteed. Eighteen months later, every degree program at Theo's institution required a team-based capstone graded on collaboration and adaptive problem-solving, not just content mastery — co-designed with three regional employers who'd been quietly hiring the trade-school kids instead. Enrollment didn't explode. But retention did, and so did the thing that actually matters longer-term: employer callback rate on new grads jumped enough that two companies signed multi-year direct-hire agreements. Theo didn't out-market the trade school. Theo stopped pretending IQ was the whole exam. Now, if you're thinking "this makes sense for curriculum, but what about my own cabinet, right now, this semester" — that's the real question, and it's the one most leadership development completely dodges. The Application: What to Audit This Week Here's what to do this week — convocation week, kickoff week, whatever your calendar calls it (assuming you're not already fielding three board emails about the enrollment numbers, in which case, next week is fine): Step 1: Run the Transcript Audit (20 minutes). Pull one flagship program's degree map. Ask honestly: what percentage of the credential-bearing work actually grades EQ or PQ — team-based projects, ambiguous real-world problems, graded collaboration — versus individual content mastery? If the honest answer is under 10%, you're not running a comprehensive credential. You're running a very expensive individual quiz. Step 2: Call Three Employers Who Hired Your Grads Last Year (30 minutes). Ask one question: "What did you have to teach them in month one that the degree didn't?" Every answer will be some version of EQ or PQ. Write them down. That list is your curriculum gap analysis, delivered for free by the people actually paying for the output. Step 3: Bring the Uncomfortable Chart to Your Cabinet (Next meeting, 20 minutes). Show them the earnings-premium decline. Ask the room directly: If this trend holds for five more years, what's our plan—and who owns fixing it? Don't answer it yourself. Let the silence sit. Somebody in that room has been thinking about this alone for longer than you realize. "We can't change accreditation-bound curriculum that fast." You're not being asked to rebuild the curriculum by fall. You're being asked to name, this week, what percentage of it is even measuring the right variables. Naming the gap costs nothing and starts the five-year clock you're already on whether you name it or not. "Our brand is strong enough to weather this." Forty-nine nonprofit colleges have closed since 2020, and forty more merged ⁴. More than 53,000 students got caught in that, and historically, fewer than half ever re-enroll anywhere else. Brand strength is not a hedge against a broken equation. It's a longer runway before the equation catches up with you. The Maturity Shift Immature leaders think: "We need to market the degree better." Mature leaders think: "We need to make the degree actually multiply, not just certify." Immature institutions defend the transcript's reputation. Mature institutions audit what the transcript actually measures. Immature leaders see the trades boom and the AI-fluency certificates as competitors to be out-marketed. Mature leaders see them as an uncomfortable, accurate scoreboard on which variables the market has started grading and which ones higher ed quietly stopped. Here's the uncomfortable truth: your institution didn't get outcompeted by a welding program. It got outcompeted by a one-variable model finally meeting a three-variable economy. And here's the optimistic reframe underneath it — that gap is not a talent problem, not a funding problem, and not a "kids these days" problem. It's a design problem. Which means it's completely, structurally solvable, by people in your seat, starting with one program, one semester, one cabinet conversation. You're about to tell your cabinet, at your own convocation this week, that this is the year things change. Make sure the thing you're changing is real. Your turn: What percentage of your flagship program's grading actually measures collaboration or adaptive judgment, versus individual recall — and when was the last time anyone in your cabinet actually calculated that number instead of assuming it? Drop the number in the comments if you dare. Tag a colleague who's been quietly running this same math alone. The Real Call Isn't to Fix Your Curriculum. It's to Rebuild the System Leading It. Here's the harder truth underneath everything above: you cannot redesign what a credential certifies until you've redesigned who's certifying it — the leadership system running the institution itself. And here's the harder truth underneath that one: the system most of us are running was built for an era that isn't coming back. Not tweaked. Not rebranded. Assembled, meeting by meeting and hire by hire, for a world where the degree was the terminal credential, change moved on a five-year cycle, and "leadership" meant one capable person at the top translating a plan downward. That world is over. What replaces it will not look like it, sound like it, or feel like it. It doesn't need leaders who run the old system a little better. It needs leaders who pull back far enough to see the whole board, and then build a new system — together, from a different foundation entirely. That foundation is not a mood. It's a sequence, and it does not skip steps. Trust first — not "we generally get along," but a leader willing to name a mistake before being caught in it. Skip it, and everything built on top is theater. Then Empowerment — real authority handed to real people, not delegation with a leash; attempted without trust, it reads as abandonment, not autonomy. Then Collaboration that produces multiplication instead of just meetings. Then Broadened Influence — coalitions built on relationships already earned. Then the capacity to Lead Change without triggering the resistance that kills most educational initiatives before they start. Then the capacity to turn Conflict into the raw material of better decisions instead of the thing everyone quietly avoids. And only after all six — the capacity to Develop Other Leaders who can do this themselves. Most cabinets are missing two or three rungs of that ladder and don't know it, because nobody ever measured the ladder. They measured IQ. Same disease as the diploma. Different transcript. So here's the actual assignment, and it isn't a better strategic plan or a task force with a new name. It's a rebuilt leadership system, sequenced correctly, strong enough to hold whatever this new frontier turns out to require — because it will not resemble the system most of us were trained to run. So here's a fair question, worth sitting with before your first cabinet meeting of the year: how many of those seven rungs could your team build on its own, through sheer will, in the next twelve months? Some of it, probably. Most cabinets get one or two rungs through force of personality before they stall. That stall is exactly the gap THE TEAM INSTITUTE exists to close — not another individual-development retreat that sends seven brilliant people back into the same broken architecture, but an eight-month sequential program built for full leadership cabinets. Partial participation isn't architecture. It's just more individual development with a group discount. Fair to be skeptical of a number that convenient, so here's the actual one: across 987 leadership teams in 43 states who've gone through that sequence, cabinets saw a 3x improvement in performance, 29% higher engagement, and 27% better organizational outcomes — with zero increase in burnout. That last number is the one that should surprise you. It's usually the first casualty of “transformation.” You cannot build that system blind, though. If there were a way to find out, honestly, exactly which rungs of that ladder — Trust, Empowerment, Collaboration, Influence, Change, Conflict, Developing Others — your cabinet is actually standing on, before you build anything else on top of it, wouldn't that be worth fifteen minutes? That's not a pitch for a program. That's a baseline. Take the Team Intelligence Assessment: https://www.higherperformancegroup.com/tq-assessment Whatever it shows you, the transcript audit above still doesn't require us — start there. But you're about to tell your cabinet this is the year something changes. What's it cost you if the thing that actually needs to change never gets named? Found Value in This? Help other leaders find it: → Repost with the number from your own transcript audit — the percentage of your flagship program that actually grades collaboration versus recall. Other leaders need to know they're not the only ones who've never calculated it. → Tag a leader who's already quietly rebuilding their program around real-world, team-based problems instead of pure content delivery. They deserve to know someone noticed. → Comment with the last conversation you had with a skeptical student or parent where you weren't sure you fully believed your own answer. Your honesty helps the next leader feel less alone in theirs. The more educational leaders who shift from certifying individuals to building people who can multiply inside a team, the better our institutions — and the students walking out of them — become. Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group for weekly Team Intelligence insights . And Here's the Part Worth Celebrating Before you close this and walk back into the board emails: it's worth sitting, for one minute, in what's actually going right. A high school in Philadelphia graduated 24 kids from a welding program last year, and every single one walked into a job paying $50,000 or more ⁷ — at 18, debt-free, wanted. That's not a consolation prize. That's a generation figuring out, faster than the institutions serving them, that value gets built, not just credentialed. Universities are already responding — not with panic, with redesign. Virginia and Ohio are piloting 90-credit, three-year bachelor's degrees ⁸. Schools across the country are rebuilding around AI fluency instead of banning it, because — as OpenAI's own education lead put it in the same Axios reporting — the job of a great university was never really about information transfer. It's coaching, mentoring, guiding people through judgment. That job just got more important, not less. And underneath all of it is a genuinely hopeful signal hiding inside an uncomfortable one: young people aren't giving up on ambition. A 19-year-old philosophy major is willing to call the system a "rat race" to a stranger's face rather than quietly disengage. A 17-year-old is doing five-year cost-benefit math most 45-year-olds never learned to do. That is not a generation that stopped believing education matters. That's a generation that started demanding it actually work — which is precisely the pressure that produces better institutions, not weaker ones.  You are not managing the decline of an idea. You're present for its correction. The leaders who get honest about the equation first — IQ, EQ, and PQ, graded together, on purpose — are about to become the safest, most in-demand credential in the market. That used to be true by accident. For the next decade, it'll be true by design, and you get to be one of the people who designed it.
By HPG Info August 18, 2026
AUGUST ROUNDTABLE · SPECIAL EDITION Here's a pattern nobody names out loud in the corner office: the leader who insists they've “got it handled” is usually one enrollment cycle away from finding out they didn't. On the morning of August 5, leaders logged on anyway and named it. K-12 superintendents from Florida, Minnesota, and Alabama, and — for the first time in the Series — the CEO of a regional service cooperative sitting at the table as a peer, not a vendor. It was the smallest room in the history of Higher Performance Group's Peer-to-Peer Leadership Roundtable — and, by DR. JOE HILL 's account, one of the most resonant. Small didn't mean small stakes. It meant something sharper: room for specifics. A dollar figure. A percentage. A partner named out loud instead of gestured at. What follows is that room's conversation — and the argument underneath it that every leader in education needs to sit with this fall: Self-sufficiency is no longer a virtue. It's a liability wearing a virtue's clothes. And the leaders who understand that first are the ones who stay in demand. — the argument the room built together Why This Matters More Than It Sounds Like It Should In our research on leadership archetypes, we map leaders across two axes — ambition and idealism. High on both, and you get what we call Builders — the leaders who don't just want to win; they want to build something that outlasts their tenure. Low on either axis, and eventually you get Coasters — the steady-staters running out the clock on a system that's already changed underneath them.
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