4 Ways To Ensure You Become The Type Of Boss Your People Love And Laugh With (Not At)

September 27, 2022

It happens every day.


You’ve seen it, and maybe you’ve done it.


Done what?


Talk about a leader behind their back about everything you think you could never say to their face.


Every day, people vent about their leaders with rolled eyes and snarky jokes.


Most leaders have no clue it’s happening to them.

Please note: The organization's success does not exempt one from the backstage devilries. 


No level of leadership frees you from your weaknesses. You can lead one of the most successful systems in your sector and still have flaws that frustrate your team.


And here is the truth: The higher one transcends up the organizational chart, the more these weaknesses are illuminated. 


So, how do you avoid becoming that leader?


One of the best ways to do that is to make sure your team talks TO you about their challenges.


If your team feels like they can talk TO you, the office drama and gossip drop precipitously. 


So, how exactly do you build the conditions for that?


Here are four keys to creating a culture where people can talk to you as a leader, not just about you when you leave the room. 


I’ll also walk you through some fresh examples of how this reality plays across our HPG team.


If you don’t think this matters, remember—people don’t quit their jobs these days. They leave leaders and cultures.


1. Ask…Then Brace Yourself 

 

The best way to avoid being the leader everyone complains about is to ask your team for feedback. 


Directly. 


Face to face.


Then…brace yourself. 


It would also help if you raised your pain threshold. 


If the feedback you hear from your team surprises or bothers you, don’t tell your face. Smile because your team is giving you a gift.


A current example:

I recently received some feedback from my team as part of an Executive Quarterly {EQ} retreat we did.


I specifically asked them to name where I was getting in the way of our performance. I told them nothing was off-limits, and they didn’t have to worry about my Feeler getting hurt. 


Well…they told me.


Some comments about my leadership included:

  • I can be impulsive.
  • Sometimes, I wig out when things aren’t going well.
  • I micromanage when I’m not sure about the outcome.
  • Sometimes, our mid-term goals seem unclear or vague.


You know what? They were right.


Sure, I was disappointed to hear each of those nuggets of critique, but my frustration was directed at the man in the mirror. I have blind spots, and I am still a work in progress. 


I love my team and their willingness to step in the ring to challenge me with an accurate assessment of my leadership over the last quarter.


Our team often uses the “L” word in our work. 


Love = To Fight FOR the Greatest GOOD of the Other.


Here’s the bottom line. To be a Higher Performance leader, you must raise your pain threshold to hear that kind of feedback directly, honestly, and face to face with your team.


Please note:

  • You can’t wince.
  • You should not deny it.
  • You shouldn’t defend yourself.
  • You can’t sulk.


Once you hear honest feedback, the correct response is a simple “thank you.”


This is the stuff that strengthens your team and culture. 


Sadly, when you look at scandal after scandal across various sectors and leadership spheres, that kind of direct, honest, open feedback is missing because it’s often penalized.


Instead, leaders cultivate cultures of fear, bullying, and self-preservation. In extreme cases, I’ve even heard of dominating leaders forcing staff to resign and demanding they sign NDAs (non-disclosure agreements) on their way out to ensure they won’t talk about how bad things were.


If you want to create irresistible culture, crave the feedback you’d usually curtail, even if it hurts.


Especially if it hurts.


2. Reward It

 

In case you missed it, honest feedback is something you need to reward when given.


Many senior leaders say they’re approachable when that’s not the case.


Remember, even if you think you’re nice, you hold the keys to hiring and firing people. Most people are afraid to tell you the truth because they’re scared of being penalized, pushed to the side, passed over for promotion, or even fired.


So, when you get honest and even critical input, celebrate it.


In our feedback session (and countless other meetings where I get feedback like this), I must remind myself to let my team know that I’m grateful and that this is precisely what they should be doing and need to hear.


Exemplary leaders say things like:

  • Thank you.
  • This feedback is a gift.
  • That’s fair. 
  • I’m grateful you care enough to share that.


If you think it’s risky to do this at work, imagine what would happen if this was the dynamic at home. Trust me. The reward is worth the risk. 


This is the stuff healthy teams do habitually.


And the team will only be as healthy as the leader.


The Time To Optimize Your Campus Performance Is Now

The Lead Team Institute {LTI} is a step-by-step framework for Optimizing Higher Team Performance (when gravitational pull toward average is working against you). 


{LTI} is a complete program of workshops, tools, coaching, and strategies that will equip you to drive Higher Team and System Performance. 


Learn more about the Lead Team Institute

3. Ask More Questions

 

You’ll want to make the honest feedback moments as brief as possible.


Don’t.


When an individual or your team gives you critical feedback, they usually test the waters with something mild and watch for your reaction.


In other words, provoke them to go a few rounds with you to get to the honest truth. 


So, in addition to celebrating what they’ve shared, open another round—in the most open tone possible—by asking questions like:


That was so helpful. Thank you. Anything else?


We should get all interference out on the table.
What else are people seeing? What else could help us grow?


I’m learning and need to know this stuff. Any other thoughts or observations?


Yes, that’s bold, but it’s worth it.


Usually, in round two or three —when people feel safe—the big stuff shows up (my impulsiveness showed up in round three of me asking the question).


Yes, this takes humility. But I’ve learned humility comes through two paths:



  1. Voluntarily
  2. Involuntary


How does involuntary humility happen? Simple: when you get humiliated by others or by a situation. Humiliation is involuntary humility. When you don’t humble yourself, others are happy to do it for you.


I’m trying to be intentional in taking the voluntary path moving forward. 


I don’t always get it right, but I’m fighting hard for me and us.

 

4. Practice the Two-Month Rule

 

Ongoing and honest feedback from your team shouldn’t be an annual event or a performance review phenomenon (the yearly performance review is going the way of the video rental store).

 

You can also have the tightest systems in the world by asking for feedback regularly and still not getting honest responses from your team.


Here is where the “Two Month Rule” comes to play.


If I were your performance coach, I would ask, “when was the last time someone gave you harsh feedback that you took and leveraged to change a leadership behavior that everybody on your team could observe and appreciate?”


If you couldn’t give me an example, I would probably say that your influence is diminishing.


Seriously, if I can’t name a specific challenge that one of my trusted team members gave me in the last two months that helped to keep me off the rocks of average or underperformance, I bet they are also laughing at me and not with me. 


Mic drop.


It got me thinking…have I gone through two-month spurts where all I heard was sunshine? 


Honestly, I’m just not that good. 


And neither are you.


This means it’s time to go back to the team and actively solicit honest feedback.


For me, it’s not just a matter of leading better. It’s a matter of character, care, and credibility. 


I want the people closest to me to become better with me. That includes my wife, kids, friends, and team.


The people closest to you should have the best access to you to be For You. 


Often in leadership, it’s the exact opposite.


Brand New: A Step-By-Step Framework to Optimize Higher Team Performance (when gravitational pull toward average is working against you).


Every leader I know struggles with average-performing systems and is under the gun to improve. Most lack the confidence and collective talent to make it happen. 


I know it’s hard to be that honest to admit you have more questions than solutions. 


If you are hungry for change, we can help. 


Higher Performance Group exists to Optimize Higher Team Performance. 


Don’t think it’s just you and your team who are struggling. That couldn’t be further from the truth. 


So how do you Reclaim Your Momentum (LINK to Reclaim Your Momentum {LIVE}) when you are back in the whirlwind and can’t give up any additional time?


The Lead Team Institute {LTI}  is a step-by-step leadership development solution that integrates within your regular standing leadership meetings. 


In the series of workshops, you will get my entire playbook for Optimizing Higher Team Performance—from start to finish:

  • How to optimize team communication
  • How to optimize team connection
  • How to optimize team alignment
  • How to optimize team capacity
  • How to optimize team execution
  • How to build highly reliable systems


And much more. 

 

The complete package of workshops, tools, assessments, performance coaching and strategies will equip you to build irresistible culture and Higher Team Performance. 


Are you ready to lead your team to higher heights? You can get access to all of it today!

Learn more about the Lead Team Institute

More Blog Articles

By HPG Info June 16, 2026
How Burnout Doesn't Announce Itself. It Just Accumulates. Let me ask you something you've probably never been asked in a formal setting.  When was the last time your cabinet walked out of a meeting genuinely energized — not checked-off, not relieved it was over, but actually alive with something? Take a moment. Think about it. If the answer comes quickly and recently, stop reading. You don't have this problem yet. If you're searching — if the last real answer is months ago, or maybe a retreat two years back, or honestly you can't remember — stay with that for a second. Not as a leadership failure. As a diagnostic. Because that gap — between the team you're capable of leading and the team that actually shows up on Tuesday — has a structure. It isn't random. It isn't about effort. And it almost certainly isn't about the people. Burnout isn't what happens when people work too hard. It's what happens when they work hard for a long time inside a system that consistently fails to give that work meaning, traction, or return. There are three specific forces producing that gap. They operate below the surface of every agenda, every strategic priority, every cabinet meeting that runs long and resolves nothing. They don't show up in your HR data. They don't surface in your climate survey. They accumulate — quietly, structurally — until the cabinet that was supposed to multiply your leadership capacity is instead absorbing it. We call them the Burnout Force. This week, I started the Burnout Force Campus Tour . A handful of dates remain this summer and fall. But before I get to that — you need to understand why this conversation is the most important one your cabinet hasn't had yet. ──────────────────────────────────────── THE NUMBERS NOBODY IS PUTTING ON THE AGENDA Let me give you the data the way adults who've survived multiple accreditation cycles deserve to hear it. 📊 60% of K-12 educators are experiencing burnout right now (RAND, 2024 — survey of nearly 1,500 teachers) 📊 64% of higher education faculty report the same (HMN Survey) 📊 2× more likely than comparable working adults to experience job stress 📊 40% more likely to experience anxiety symptoms than healthcare workers That last one is worth sitting with. Education has found a way to generate more occupational distress than a profession that deals with life and death daily. 2 out of 3 superintendents report at least considerable stress in their role. Not the teachers. Not the staff. The superintendents. — 2025 AASA American Superintendent Study Here's what doesn't show up in those statistics: the 2026 AASA National Conference featured four national Superintendent of the Year finalists publishing a joint piece about what they called 'the loneliest seat in the room.' Not because they lack strong teams or supportive boards. Because the loneliness is not about lack of support — it's about owning the decisions that affect students, staff, and families. And almost no one had told them that was a structural problem with a structural solution. From 987 leadership teams across 43 states: the average cabinet operates at 58% of its collective capacity. Not because the people are wrong. Because three forces are burning the capacity out from underneath the team — and nobody put them on the agenda. ( THE TEAM INSTITUTE was built for exactly this. Not to make your individual leaders better — but to restore the collective architecture the Burnout Force has been quietly dismantling. 8 months. Full cabinet. Real transformation. More on that below.) ──────────────────────────────────────── THE THREE FORCES The TQ framework — Team Intelligence, expressed as TQ = IQ × EQ × PQ — gives us the diagnostic language for what's actually happening. Individual IQ is rarely the problem. Educational leaders are among the most credentialed, mission-driven professionals in any sector. The problem is that three forces are systematically reducing the EQ and PQ dimensions of the equation toward zero. And when any dimension approaches zero, the whole equation collapses — regardless of how capable the individuals are. FORCE 1 · MEANING EROSION Your people came into this work for a reason. That reason — for most of them — had nothing to do with compliance cycles, reporting requirements, or the fourteen initiatives currently running simultaneously on the strategic plan. Meaning erosion is what happens when the operational load so thoroughly dominates the calendar that people lose the thread between what they're doing on Tuesday and why they got into this work in the first place. It doesn't announce itself. It arrives slowly. The cabinet member who used to bring ideas starts arriving with status reports. The VP who once challenged your thinking starts nodding earlier. The leader who drove forty-five minutes to talk about the future of the institution now drives forty-five minutes to sit in a compliance review. Meaning erosion isn't cynicism. It's grief. The slow grief of someone who still cares deeply but can no longer see the thread between their effort and their purpose. Cabinets with high meaning erosion show a predictable pattern: individual productivity stays relatively stable while collective creativity collapses. People keep showing up. They stop generating. TQ IMPLICATION → Meaning erosion attacks PQ first — Perceptual Intelligence, the capacity to accurately read what's actually happening in the room. When people lose the connection to purpose, they start managing their own fatigue rather than attending to the system. FORCE 2 · AGENCY COMPRESSION This is the quiet killer. And it is the force most directly connected to leader behavior — which makes it the most uncomfortable to sit with. Agency compression is what happens when the people around you — people hired for their judgment — begin to notice that their judgment doesn't actually change outcomes. The decision will be made the way it will be made. The initiative will proceed the way it will proceed. Their input is invited but not consequential. Most educational leaders don't intentionally compress the agency of their teams. They do it while believing they are being collaborative. The tell is in the questions. When a leader asks for input after the frame of the decision has already been set, they are performing inclusion rather than practicing it. Your cabinet can tell the difference between being consulted and being briefed. They're just too professional to say so out loud. In cabinets with high agency compression, our research shows a 34% reduction in the quality of problem-solving that happens without the leader present. The team becomes dependent on the top of the org chart — not because they lack capability, but because the system has trained them that their capability doesn't move the needle. TQ IMPLICATION → Agency compression crushes EQ. When people don't believe their voice changes outcomes, they stop bringing their full emotional and communicative intelligence into the room. They bring their role instead. FORCE 3 · ISOLATION NORMALIZATION Of the three forces, this is the one the field talks about least — and that costs the most. Isolation normalization is the process by which being deeply alone at the top of a complex organization becomes accepted as simply part of the job. Leaders stop expecting to be truly known inside the work. Superintendents stop expecting their peers to understand the specific weight of the seat. Presidents stop expecting anyone in the cabinet to see the whole picture alongside them. AASA's 2026 National Superintendent of the Year finalists put it plainly: the superintendency can feel like the loneliest seat in the room — not because of lack of support, but because ultimate accountability rests on one set of shoulders. And for most leaders, that sentence produces one thought: "Yes. Exactly. And I've never said that out loud." The longer the isolation persists, the more the leader unconsciously organizes the cabinet around managing it — keeping conversations at the level of information rather than truth, running meetings that produce clarity on what rather than clarity on why, protecting the room from the full weight of the challenges so the room doesn't have to feel what the leader feels. Which means the room never gets to help carry what the leader is carrying. The loneliness at the top is not a personality trait. It is a structural outcome — and it has a structural solution. TQ IMPLICATION → Isolation normalization is the full collapse of all three dimensions. When the leader is isolated, the IQ of the collective system is limited to the leader's individual IQ. The multiplication stops. The team functions as a reporting structure rather than a thinking system. ──────────────────────────────────────── THREE MOVES. THIS WEEK. Here's what to do Monday morning — and I want to be honest that these are not dramatic interventions. They're pretty basic. Each one takes less than 30 minutes. What they produce is data — specific, honest data about which force is most active in your system right now. That data is worth more than another framework. MOVE 1 · The Meaning Audit (20 minutes) Before any agenda items in your next cabinet meeting, ask this: 'What's one moment from the last 90 days where you felt genuinely connected to why this work matters?' Don't answer first. Give the room 90 seconds of silence before anyone speaks. Count the answers. Then count the people who struggled to find one. If more than two people in a cabinet of six or more search without finding — what does that tell you about the quality of generative work this team is capable of right now? Not theoretically. In the next 90 days. (That's your meaning erosion index. No formula required.) MOVE 2 · The Agency Map (30 minutes) List the last ten significant decisions your cabinet made together. For each one, ask honestly: Did the input of the cabinet change the outcome — or did it inform a decision that was already directionally set? This is not a judgment. It's a diagnostic. Then identify one decision in the next 60 days where you could genuinely hand the frame — not just the execution — to the cabinet. Not the easy one. A real one. What would it mean for the energy in that room if your cabinet realized their judgment was actually at stake? MOVE 3 · Name One True Thing (10 minutes — but it costs something) ] The research on isolation normalization points to one consistently effective interruption: a single act of appropriate leader vulnerability, shared at the right moment with the right person. Not a complaint. Not a crisis disclosure. Something honest. 'I've been carrying this one alone and I shouldn't have been.' 'I didn't know how to bring this into the room, and I want to figure out how to do that differently.' When the leader names the weight, the cabinet is allowed to help carry it. That's not a wellness statement. That's a collective architecture shift. Two Objections, Handled "We don't have burnout — my team seems fine." Fine is the most expensive word in educational leadership. Fine is what high-performing professionals say when they've normalized depletion. Fine is the answer your cabinet gives before the third person in two years takes a medical leave. The Burnout Force doesn't announce itself. It accumulates. By the time it's visible, you're already 18 months past the intervention window. "This feels too soft for a cabinet development conversation." Collective capacity is a performance variable, not a wellness variable. A cabinet operating at 54% instead of 81% is a gap measurable in initiative outcomes, decision quality, and staff retention. If the gap in your team's collective performance costs you what the research suggests — what does waiting another 12 months actually cost the institution? ──────────────────────────────────────── THE MATURITY SHIFT Immature leaders think: "My people are resilient. They'll push through." Mature leaders think: "Resilience is not infinite. The system I build determines how much I draw down versus replenish." Immature leaders treat burnout as an individual recovery problem — someone needs rest, a mental health day, a sabbatical. Mature leaders treat it as a collective architecture problem — the system needs structural correction, not a revised wellness benefit. Immature leaders see the Burnout Force as something that happens to people who can't handle the pressure. Mature leaders see it as the predictable output of a system never designed to protect collective capacity — and take responsibility for redesigning it. The 987 leadership teams in our research who moved from 60% to 90%+ capacity didn't get there by becoming more resilient. They got there by removing the forces consuming their capacity faster than it could regenerate. Which of the three forces — meaning erosion, agency compression, isolation normalization — is most active in your cabinet right now? Name it in the comments. Because there's a superintendent or president reading this who needs to know they're not the only one carrying this. Tag a leader you've watched absorb too much alone. They deserve to know you noticed. ──────────────────────────────────────── THE BURNOUT FORCE CAMPUS TOUR IS LIVE I started the tour this week. The Burnout Force keynote workshop is not a wellness event. It is not a motivational talk about resilience. It is a 90-minute diagnostic intervention for full leadership cabinets — superintendents, presidents, and their senior teams — designed to do three things in a single session: FIRST: Assess which of the three forces is most active in your system using the HPG Team Intelligence diagnostic. Not a survey you file and forget — a real-time collective assessment your cabinet completes together. SECOND: Name the specific structural conditions producing each force. Your cabinet will leave knowing what to address and why — not with a wellness action plan, but with structural clarity. THIRD: Build a 30-day interruption protocol together in the room. Built by your cabinet. Specific to your system. Not a framework you translate alone at your desk on Sunday night. This is the session most cabinets say should have happened two years earlier. A few summer and fall dates remain. One requirement: full cabinet in the room. Partial collective architecture is not architecture. 📈 3× performance improvement 📈 29% higher engagement 📈 27% better organizational outcomes Zero burnout increase. Those aren't conference statistics. That's what happens when you stop developing people individually and start correcting the system collectively. If there were a way to name the forces consuming your cabinet's capacity — and interrupt them structurally in a single session — would that be worth 90 minutes this summer? Schedule a 30-minute consultation and see remaining tour dates: https://calendly.com/higherperformance/30minutecoffee?month=2026-06 ──────────────────────────────────────── FOUND VALUE IN THIS? Help other leaders find it: → Repost with your answer: which of the three forces is most active in your cabinet right now? The leaders who need this are in your network — and they need to know they're not alone in this. → Tag a leader you've watched carry too much alone — someone who keeps showing up with full effort inside a system that hasn't been designed to protect their capacity. → Comment with the moment you first noticed the Burnout Force at work in your institution. Your story is someone else's permission to name it. The more educational leaders who move from individual resilience to collective architecture, the better our institutions become. Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group for weekly Team Intelligence insights. ────────────────────────────────────────
By HPG Info June 9, 2026
Inside The June Roundtable Where District And Campus Leaders Finally Said The Quiet Part Out Loud. THE PAPERCLIP. SIXTY SECONDS. AND A ROOM FULL OF GENIUSES. Here's a question eleven educational leaders answered before 10:00 AM on June 3rd: How many uses can you list for a paperclip in sixty seconds? The chat filled fast. Restart your modem. Fishhook. Lockpick. Holding hair back out of your eyes. Key ring. The best one — from Kim LeClaire , Education Advisor and Strategist out of Denver — the one that stopped the room: the paper clip that held her rain cape together as she walked the Camino de Santiago. Then the data landed. In 1968, NASA commissioned Dr. George Land to build a test to find the most innovative thinkers on the planet. He gave it to 1,600 children aged four and five. Ninety-eight percent scored at genius level — the same standard NASA used for rocket scientists. He retested them at age ten: 30 percent. At fifteen: 12 percent. He then tested 280,000 adults. Two percent. Land's conclusion: non-creative behavior is learned. We are not born uncreative. We are taught — institution by institution, grade by grade — to believe the paperclip is only for paper. That conclusion is the premise of every Peer-to-Peer Leadership Roundtable Higher Performance Group convenes. And it was Kim (for the win) who named what the data actually means for every institution in that room: "How do we support the human capacity for creativity?" That is not a warm-up exercise. It is the essential question for every institution these eleven leaders walk into every day. And on June 3rd — leaders from Washington and Minnesota, Ohio and Virginia, Texas and Illinois, K–12 districts and college campuses — they spent sixty minutes attempting to answer it together. Not with frameworks. With the room thinking out loud. THE DIAGNOSIS: YOUR SILOS ARE STRUCTURAL, NOT PERSONAL — AND THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING Let's talk about this like adults who've survived multiple accreditation cycles, bond referendums, and at least one strategic planning retreat where the mission statement got wordsmithed for four hours while the actual problem waited patiently in the parking lot. Silos are not a character failure. They are not a communication problem. They are not evidence that your VPs don't respect each other — although, statistically, two of them might not. Dr. Rick W. Smith Sr., CFRL, CCDP President of Dallas College North Lake — a former hospital administrator for 23 years, then a decade in television news, now a decade in higher education — named it with the precision of someone who has led three entirely different systems: "Silos are often the unintended consequence of how organizations are organized, measured, and — too many times — rewarded. The challenge is ensuring those priorities remain connected to institutional goals." That reframe changes the entire fix. If silos are a character failure, you call a retreat. You invest in communication training. You hire a consultant who facilitates a trust exercise that everyone finds mildly uncomfortable and immediately forgets. If silos are structural — the predictable output of incentive architecture — you redesign who makes decisions, where resources flow, and how information moves between people who serve the same students but rarely occupy the same room. TQ = IQ × EQ × PQ. The PQ dimension — Perceptual Intelligence, the capacity to accurately read what's actually happening in your institution — depends on this. You cannot build organizational perceptual accuracy when the structural design actively prevents the right people from seeing the whole picture. And here's what our research across 987 leadership teams in 43 states tells us: the teams operating at 60% capacity aren't there because of talent deficits. They're there because the architecture was never designed for multiplication. (This is the exact problem THE TEAM INSTITUTE was built to address — not by making individuals better at working around broken structures, but by helping cabinets redesign the architecture itself. More on that in a moment.) In a BANI environment — Brittle, Anxious, Nonlinear, Incomprehensible — architecture optimized for Coasters isn't just inefficient. It becomes existentially dangerous. Dr. Nathan S. Schilling, CSBO , Superintendent of Lansing School District 158 brought the session's most vivid metaphor: his 1973 Mustang, purchased specifically after confirming it had undergone a full frame-off restoration — all body paneling removed, foundational work done first, then reassembled. "Some restorations slap new panels over a completely rusted frame. That looks great inside — it's completely rusted and falling apart." That is the institutional response most strategic plans represent: new panels, rusted frame. The leaders in this room are not interested in new panels. THE FRAMEWORK: BUILDERS, DREAMERS, COASTERS, AND CLIMBERS Not every leader in your institution responds to BANI the same way. Our research names four behavioral patterns that show up in every institution navigating disruption — and the distribution matters more than the diagnosis.
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