Why Are Humans On The Offensive With Each Other? (5 Reasons Rage Is the New Epidemic)

April 12, 2022

Our culture is changing at breakneck speed.

One of the things that appears to be changing most rapidly is how deeply we seem to dislike each other. Election cycles and global pandemics only push this reality into warp speed.

My social channels used to be a bit more fun. Recently, it seems like my feed has been corrupted by an endless drone of suspicion-fueled anger spawning outrage and division.

It’s almost like you can’t be American without a growler full of outrage.

And why does it have to be so personal?

I’ve stopped following some (including family members) because it’s just become so nutty.

So, how did we end up this way?

Is there anything that you and I can do about it?

Well, let’s start here. Even though it might feel like everybody’s angry, let’s agree…It’s not everyone.

Like you and other thinker leaders, I’m trying to carve out space to hang with other smart and healthy people on the internet to honestly share opinions without jumping all over each other.

While that’s what I’m committed to, it’s not always that simple.

It’s Brewing IN All Of Us

The problem, of course, is more nuanced than simply blaming other people and walking away. I feel the spirit of this age increasingly brewing inside ME as well.

I’m an INFJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

Being an INFJ means that on my good days, I want to save the world. On my bad days, under stress and pressure, there is a bad public news story waiting to happen.

I can move quickly from mild-mannered Dr. Bruce Banner to the uncontrollable green monster powered by rage when my value buttons are pushed.

As Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn wrote:

If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.

Doesn’t that sting a little?

Why are we all a little (or a lot) irate? Is this inevitable?

There are some surprising things that fuel anger and there are more than a few reasons that rage is the new epidemic.

1. Online Accelerates Aggression

People say and do things online they aren’t comfy doing in real life. Not only do we try to manicure our image to look better, unless we work hard at it, you and I are more naturally aggressive, more divisive, and more hostile virtually than we are in person.

The question is why?

The answer? Because we’re kind of anonymous on-line.

Distance between people desensitizes people.

Military Generals have known this for millennia. Have you ever wondered why soldiers wear uniforms and war paint? It not only identifies a person, but disguises one’s humanity.

Before you judge a soldier, think of how you behave in your own vehicle. Are you more aggressive there than normal (like tailgating the slow movers in the passing lane)?

Because you’re in a 3000-pound armored automobile, you don’t see the person slowing you down as a person. Rather, you see IT as a problem. It’s very easy to get angry and aggressive with IT when they are not seen as people.

Have another think... Even in the supermarket, I’m less kind when I have a shopping cart in my hands, and I bet I’m not alone here.

The same dynamic is at work in social media and our life online.

When you’re online, the meta-machinery is becoming such an easy space to dehumanize others we don’t see as other.

Bottom line? It’s never been easier to be socially known and hidden at the same time.

2. Hate Generates More Clicks Than Love

Long before the endless fake-news arguments of today, TV news and newspaper editors figured out that bad news sells. They learned how to play into our anxiety and fear to get ratings. The 24-hour news cycle and explosion of new media have accelerated those attention-grabbing tendencies.

Social media has put that tendency on steroids. Tristan Harris makes a compelling argument that algorithms used by search engines and social media intentionally prioritize outrage, because, as Harris argues, the major social and tech companies have figured out that outrage spreads faster than anything that would be uplifting and productive.

Here’s what’s sadly true about human nature, or at least human nature in the 21st century: Hate generates more clicks than love.

I’ll admit. I personally struggle with this as a writer. I’m committed to making this blog and my platform places of inspiration, hope, and help.

But I’ve also realized that if I title things positively, not everybody reads it.

For example, I could have called this post “Love Each Other More. Our World Needs It.”

But “Why Are Humans On The Offensive With Each Other? (5 Reasons Rage Is the New Epidemic) is a much more compelling headline. I’ve experimented with titles enough to know that this phenomenon is sadly true. So, I use a little negative to generate far more positive.

When I title posts and articles, I avoid hate, outrage, and (I hope) sensationalism, but the irony isn’t lost on me that leading with a negative title means a higher likelihood that my content will be read. My typical structure is to lead with the problem most people feel or experience, describe it, and move toward a practical solution.

Hope, followed by help.

3. Any Attention Feels Better Than None

Thanks to technology, there’s an inverse trend happening around us.

We’ve never been more connected than we are today, and we’ve never felt more alone.

In 2018, the British government launched the first-ever loneliness strategy, appointing a minister for loneliness to deal with the deep isolation millions of people feel.

While this isn’t always true, sometimes lonely people will settle for any attention they can get. When you feel nothing, a click, a like or comment can make you feel something, even if it’s not nearly as satisfying as a real conversation, a real connection, or true intimacy.

Sometimes my empathy button is pushed, and I wonder if the trolls who leave me livid comments are genuinely just lonely people just hoping someone notices them.

The next time you’re hoping to get noticed online, put your device down, grab a ball, and retreat to the yard with your dog.

4. Darkness Surrounds Us

Everyone is navigating the flood of information that hits us every day.

From your social media feeds to breaking news flashes to the minute-by-minute invasion of notifications, buzzes, rings, and haptics that disrupt our day, I believe we’re processing more information than humans were intended each day.

This is not good.

I remember my grandparents sharing a newspaper subscription with the next-door neighbor (who lived a quarter of a mile from them). They were perfectly informed with the Friday edition of the weekly newspaper that came out the Wednesday prior.

Now, I have notifications that would literally ping on the minute if I did not silence them telling me up-to-the-minute news of world events, mass shootings, major weather outbreaks, celebrity breakups, and more.

Ditto with emails and status updates. You and I are bombarded every day with information we can barely process, let alone do much about.

Do you know what that’s doing to you?

It’s making you cynical.

Cynicism roots itself in knowledge. The more you and I know, the more cynical we can become. The reason we were so happy when we were younger is that you and I were kind of ignorant, right?

The world needs a character upgrade and a required class in the mature use of social media and how to critically discern news these days.

Might this explain why you feel the way you feel so many days?

5. Anger Invites An Audience, Even When They Have Nothing To Say

What’s the opposite of love? Nope, it’s not hate. It’s indifference.

And when it feels like the world is indifferent and you’re feeling unloved, anger can be a way to get someone’s attention.

Sadly, anger can get you heard, even when you have nothing to say.

So, What Do You Do?

The future can be dark, or it can be different. Personally, I’m putting my heart behind different. And I think different is potentially better.

Here are four questions to ask next time you post, write, blog, podcast, or shoot off that email or text.

What’s my real motive? Am I trying to help, hurt, or just get noticed?
Are people better off, or worse off, for having read what I posted?
Am I calling out the worst in people, or attempting to call up their best?
If the person I’m writing to was in the room looking me in the eye, would I say the same thing in the same way?

I’ve found these questions really help me filter my emotions and help me process the difference between a response and a reaction.

Speaking of which, what do you do with the junk you feel—the loneliness, the anger, the outrage?

Here’s the best thing I know how to do: Process privately. Help publicly.

Processing privately can be as simple as meditating on it and waiting 24 hours before you do a thing. Often that’s enough.

Sometimes you’ll need to talk to a friend. Other times you may need to set up a therapist appointment. I’m growing to expect the best and brightest to have regular access to professional coaching/counseling.

After all, the gravitational pull of accidental behavior is always toward unhealthy, not healthy.

Note: Critique is different from criticism. A critique aims to build others up, not to tear others down. It’s not about NOT challenging others, rather calibrating your approach to both support and challenge with a “For You” intention.

If you can’t figure out how to do that, you’re best not to post anything but cute pictures of that cool dog of yours.

Break Through The Barriers That Prevent Your Campus From Growing.

It can be discouraging to put your heart into your system and team while still seeing it plateau or, worse, decline. But that’s the reality facing many campuses leaders today.

According to one study, 94% of our public institutions aren’t growing. That means more than 9 out of 10 schools, districts, and colleges are stuck or losing ground.

Sadly, people in your community are experiencing widespread polarization and hopelessness, and they need healthy campus leaders more than ever. So, why does keeping people in your schools (much less attracting new learners) feel like such an uphill battle?

It’s time to reverse that trend through pivotal decisions with your leadership team.

Leader and Team Health are significantly connected to the overall strength of your Organization’s Performance. Accelerating Team Performance will prepare you for growth by removing obstacles in your control.

Learn how to navigate the Six Lead Measures of Organizational Health that will inject clarity and direction into your mission and help remove the barriers that stand between you and advancing your mission.

_____

P.S. Here are the two best ways I can help you right now:

1) Get your FREE guide:
5 Evidence-Based Practices to Reclaim More Team Engagement with Less Effort. www.higherperformancegroup.com/reclaim

2) Schedule a Call:
Let’s talk about the obstacles (and opportunities) that you & your team are currently facing. www.higherperformancegroup.com/schedule

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Higher Performance Insights | ONE BAD APPLE

By HPG Info • July 8, 2025

How a single leader can sink your team (and how one good one can save it) Last month, a superintendent I work with shared what happened during her presentation of the strategic plan to the board. Twenty years of experience, proven results, polished presentation, and promising data. Halfway through, one executive team member sat back, arms crossed, occasionally checking his phone. A board member started shuffling papers. By the end, three others had adopted the same disengaged body language. What should have been an energizing strategic discussion devolved into polite nods and no real commitment. That same week, a university president I consult with described identical dynamics in her executive team meeting. Different building, same pattern: one person's negativity was infecting the entire senior leadership. This painful parallel revealed a leadership truth that research confirms: one person can significantly impact your team's performance by as much as 30-40%. But one person can also save it completely. The Brutal Science: Your Star Leaders Might Be Your Biggest Problem You've hired brilliant people. Advanced degrees, proven results, impressive credentials. But here's what organizational behavior expert Will Phelps discovered when he planted one "bad apple" into 44 different work groups: Performance dropped 30-40% consistently. It didn't matter if the person was: The Skeptic (aggressively questioning every initiative) The Withdrawer (withholding effort on strategic planning) The Pessimist (negative about every proposal) The result was always the same: One leader's negative behavior infected the entire team. "I'd gone in expecting that someone would get upset with the slacker or downer," Phelps said. "But nobody did. They were like, 'Okay, if that's how it is, then we'll be slackers and downers too.'" Your leadership team isn't choosing to underperform. They're unconsciously mirroring the energy around them—what neuroscientists call "emotional contagion." Where One Leader Changes Everything However, one group in Phelps' study remained energetic and produced excellent results despite the presence of the bad apple. The difference wasn't intelligence, experience, or positional authority. It was one person who understood what MIT's Human Dynamics Lab calls "belonging cues"—micro-signals that create a sense of psychological safety. This leader didn't take charge or give motivational speeches. Instead, he did something much simpler: When resistance emerged during budget discussions, he leaned forward, made eye contact, and responded with genuine curiosity. Not fake positivity, but authentic interest that "took the danger out of the room." Then came the pivot: "That's an interesting concern—what would you suggest we do differently?" Result? Even the resistant member, almost against his will, found himself contributing constructively. 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Your leadership team dynamics are literally working for or against your mission. The Executive Infection Gap: When Smart Leaders Create Stupid Results Every negative interaction in your cabinet costs you: Faculty who disengage because they sense leadership division Students who suffer when initiatives fail due to leadership dysfunction Community members who lose confidence witnessing leadership conflicts The research is concerning: 30 seconds—that's how long it takes for negative energy to spread in executive meetings If one senior leader checks out, others follow unconsciously When leadership teams can't create safety, organizational initiatives die Allowing negativity to spread among your senior team affects every student you serve. From Infection to Connection: The Framework That Works ❌ The Typical Approach (Actually Destructive): Hope the resistant leader comes around Cabinet meeting scenario: Your executive team member constantly questions every initiative, rolls their eyes during presentations, and makes dismissive comments. You address it privately, but nothing changes. Other team members start to disengage. Result: Strategic planning stalls. Good initiatives die. High-performing leaders start looking elsewhere. ✅ The Breakthrough Approach (Game-Changing): Respond to resistance with curiosity and inclusion Same scenario, different response: When the executive team member questions an initiative, you lean forward and say, "You're raising important concerns—help us think through what success would look like from your perspective." Then pivot: "What do the rest of you think about these points?" Result : The resistant leader feels heard instead of dismissed. The team stays engaged. 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Transform Your Leadership Team Starting Today The Executive Safety Test: Step 1: Record your next cabinet/executive team meeting Step 2 : Count belonging cues vs. safety threats among leaders Step 3 : If threats outnumber cues, your leadership dynamics are creating the problem Three Daily Practices: Lean forward when team members raise concerns Respond to resistance with "What am I missing?" and actually listen Create micro-moments of safety in every executive decision The Leadership Team Safety Discussion Protocol: For your next executive team meeting: Have each member share when they felt most and least safe to speak the truth in recent meetings Compare responses—what patterns emerge among your senior team? Practice responding to resistance with curiosity instead of defensiveness Identify any leaders who might be unconsciously spreading negativity Remember: resistance usually signals important information, not disloyalty The Choice Every Leader Must Make You can manage resistance or mine wisdom from it. You can hope that negativity will dissipate or actively foster a sense of belonging among leaders. You can let one senior leader infect your team or become the person who transforms it. You cannot do both. The most brilliant superintendents and presidents consistently choose connection over control among their senior teams. They've learned that executive safety isn't soft—it's strategic. They've discovered that belonging cues among leaders aren't touchy-feely—they're performance drivers. Because leadership team safety is simple . Simple safety scales throughout the organization. Scalable safety creates sustainable performance for students. 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Higher Performance Insights | WHEN SMART LEADERS SOUND STUPID

July 2, 2025

The 7-Part Framework to Turn Your Bumbling Into Brilliance Here's what happened last Tuesday at a board meeting that was hard to watch. A brilliant superintendent with a post-graduate degree and twenty years of experience spent 45 minutes presenting their "comprehensive student achievement initiative leveraging pedagogical frameworks aligned with district strategic priorities." The board nodded politely. A parent in the back raised her hand: "Can you explain this so my 13-year-old would understand?" The superintendent couldn't. That challenging moment was a graduate course in communication: The most brilliant leaders use language a 13-year-old understands. Smart words are simple, scalable, and sustainable. Fancy words don't edify—they confuse. And to be unclear is to be unkind. Full disclosure: I LOVE words. Early in my career as a young executive, I felt I needed to use a fancy lexicon to prove my competence to my colleagues and community. I was that guy dropping "paradigmatic frameworks" and "synergistic methodologies" in every meeting. Then a colleague lovingly pulled me aside after a presentation and said, "Joe, I think you meant the etymology of this word, not the entomology... That's the study of bugs." No lie, that happened. And I've been on a professional learning track ever since to reform my language to be less fluff and more function. The Brutal Truth: Your Intelligence Might Make You Sound Unintelligent You're brilliant. Your degrees prove it. Your experience confirms it. Your results validate it. 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Higher Ed Transformation: AI-Powered Mental Health Support ❌ The "Smart" Approach (Actually Stupid): "Innovative Digital Wellness Ecosystem Leveraging Artificial Intelligence" "In response to evolving student needs and technological advancement opportunities, we are launching a comprehensive digital wellness ecosystem that leverages artificial intelligence and machine learning algorithms to provide personalized mental health support interventions..." ✅ The Brilliant Approach (Human-Friendly): "Get Mental Health Help Before You're in Crisis" What students want: You want to feel better without waiting three weeks for a counseling appointment. The problem: You're struggling with anxiety or depression, but you're not "sick enough" for crisis help. You suffer alone until things get really bad. What we do: Text our AI counselor anytime, day or night (completely private) Get immediate help tailored to your specific situation Connect with human counselors when you're ready The result: Universities using this system see a 60% decrease in students in crisis and a 45% increase in students completing their degrees. The Pattern Every Brilliant Leader Must See Notice the transformation: Confusing messages focus on the institution and use big words to sound impressive Clear messages focus on the person's problem using words they actually use The brilliant leaders understand: Smart words are simple words Simple words are scalable across all audiences Scalable words create a sustainable impact Sustainable impact is the only measure of true intelligence If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough to lead it. The ROI of Speaking Clearly The numbers prove clarity wins: Organizations with simple, clear messaging see email marketing returns of $36-$40 for every dollar spent Systems that test their messaging for clarity generate ROI improvements of up to 760% Teams that communicate simply create breakthrough performance that scales Your fancy vocabulary isn't impressing anyone—it's costing you everything. Transform Your Team's Communication Intelligence The Clarity Test Step 1: Take your most important initiative Step 2: Explain it in simple, human language Step 3: If you can't, you don't understand it well enough to lead it The gap between complex and simple is the gap between failure and success. Three Questions Every Brilliant Leader Must Answer Would any parent understand what problem this solves? Can anyone follow the steps to solve it? Would people actually care about the outcome? Team Intelligence Discussion Protocol For your next leadership team meeting: The Clarity Audit: Have each team member explain your most important campus initiative in simple, everyday language Compare responses—how different are they? Which explanations would actually help someone? The Jargon Purge: List every fancy word you use to describe your work Replace each with a word a 13-year-old knows Test the new version with actual people The Kindness Check: Review your current website, emails, and presentations Ask: "Are we being kind to the people we're trying to help?" Remember: To be unclear is to be unkind The Choice Every Brilliant Leader Must Make You can sound smart or be effective. You can impress colleagues or help students. You can use fancy words or create real change. You cannot do both. "I would not give a fig for the simplicity that exists on this side of complexity; but I would give my life for the simplicity that exists on the far side of complexity." —Oliver Wendell Holmes The most brilliant leaders consistently choose clarity over complexity. They've done the hard work of mastering complexity so they can deliver simplicity. They've wrestled with the big ideas so they can explain them in small words. They've earned the right to speak like a human being instead of a textbook. Because smart words are simple words. Simple words scale. Scalable words create sustainable impact. And sustainable impact is what brilliant leadership actually looks like. Ready to Lead with True Intelligence? Stop hiding your brilliance behind big words. Start communicating with the clarity that creates change.