5 Questions Every Disheartened Leader Should Ask Themselves Before Giving Up Or Giving In

March 1, 2022

Dear Disheartened Leader,


Being THE leader isn’t the easiest thing in the world. But it's not the hardest thing either.


You’re not alone. The “ER” in the middle of the word lead•ER•ship is there on purpose. It is not supposed to be easy.


If you’re really leading, there’s rarely a season that isn’t filled with “ER.”


You solve a problem, two more pop up. You resolve them, and out of the corner of your eye, spot the next one.

As a campus leader for over 30 years, I get it.


After seeing leader after leader struggle with discouragement and wanting to throw in the towel long before their calling ran out, I wanted to write this note.


None of us really feel like the most successful person on earth. I surely don’t and you don’t need to fake it either.


And even though things are going well for HPG, and we have so much to be thankful for, I spend too many days wondering whether I’m missing something or feeling like we should be making more progress than we should.


You know what it’s like… The weight of:


  • Budget and expenses.
  • People who promise the moon but can’t even deliver the earth.
  • New people who say they’re in and then walk away.
  • Feeling like you are always under a microscope.
  • Not being where you thought you would be at this point in your life.
  • Uncertainty. Constant uncertainty.
  • Chronic struggles with talented team members who just don’t want to wear the team jersey.
  • Knowing your system isn’t perfect and wishing it would be but knowing it won’t ever be.
  • Lack of gratitude from those whom you are bending over backward to serve.
  • Feeling let down by others.
  • Feeling like you are letting yourself down.
  • Seeing other people’s practice and believing they have it easier than you do.


And on and on and on it goes…


This is the stuff of leadership they never teach you in graduate school.

I want you to know something. The discouragement you feel inside is real and coming from somewhere. Think about this and let this sink in for a minute today: The happiest and healthiest people are those whose expectations meet reality.


What do you do with that?


Here are five questions every disheartened leader should ask themselves before giving up or giving in.


1. What do I expect my system to give me?

No team or system will ever give you ultimate peace, fulfillment, joy, purpose, or anything like that. If you are expecting that from being a leader, you won’t find it.


If you are constantly discouraged or frustrated about your system, it might be because you are hoping it will give you something only your conscience can give you. That is called PEACE.


When you look to people or things to give you what only your faith can give you, you’re signed up for a dash of misery.


2. Who do I hope will affirm me?

This is a big one.


We all look for affirmation from people.


Here’s something someone told me a long time ago that I really don’t like because it’s so true: Never expect the people you lead to affirm you. 


It’s not fair to them. And ultimately, it’s not fair to you.


Your job is to lead them, not to get them to applaud you.


Hey, if it happens…awesome. Consider that a bonus. But if you keep looking to others for praise, you’ll end up sliding down the slippery slope under question 3…


3. Who am I trying to please?

You will never fully please the people you serve. It’s impossible because we are imperfect people (and so are they).


If you are trying to please other leaders or get recognized, you will be miserable. You can never keep up with anyone else’s expectations. And you’ll let yourself, your family, and ultimately your team down.


If you focused on being liked, you won’t lead. Your insistence on pleasing everyone will mean you ultimately please no one.

Not to mention yourself.


4. How honest am I being with myself and others?

If you stuff your leadership failures and missed expectations instead of dealing with them, you will implode or explode one day. Your discouragement and mine often come from stuffing things we should just admit and deal with.


If you have a problem with another person, be completely honest with them. If you are mad at somebody, tell them.

If somebody let you down, let them now. If you have let yourself down, tell a friend.


Lying and pretending lead to misery. Just say it. I have done this numerous times and it’s terrible up front but so freeing in the end.


And you know what? Much of the time you end up redeeming the relationship.


If you won’t be honest with others, you also won’t be able to truly lead them.


5. What lie am I believing?

Gurus make it seem so easy, don’t they? Go to their conference or buy their product and all your problems disappear. Did you ever buy into that lie at some point?


Chances are you thought leadership would be easier. Well, that’s just silly.


Identify the lie you are believing, and you will crush some of the discouragement. The lie that storytellers sell you is really killing your spirit. We only need to look at history to discover that leadership was rarely ever easy.


Your discouragement isn’t just discouragement. It’s a symptom of something deeper going on. If you want to create a healthy culture across your system, you can’t be angry all the time. You can’t be frustrated 24/7. Take a step today & answer these questions honestly.


I believe it will help you beat your discouragement and get back on the growth track.


It’s propaganda to say leadership is easy. What’s true is that humble, determined, committed leadership is worth it.


Everyone deserves to live in a community served by healthy teams and highly reliable systems.


P.S. Whenever you are ready here are the 2 best ways I can help you:


1) Get your FREE guide: 5 Evidence-Based Practices to Reclaim More Team Engagement with Less Effort: www.higherperformancegroup.com/reclaim


2) Schedule a Call. Let’s talk about the obstacles (and opportunities) that you & your team are currently facing.  www.higherperformancegroup.com/schedule

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By HPG Info August 12, 2026
Why your best TEAMS keep producing average results — and the seven-force system underneath it. There's a villain running in every cabinet meeting that never makes the agenda. It doesn't show up in the accreditation report. It doesn't show up in the strategic plan everyone signed with real applause eleven months ago. It shows up in the parking lot — the conversation two people have on the walk to their cars that never once got said in the room. Nearly a thousand leadership teams told us the same thing, almost word for word: Individually, this cabinet is exceptional. Collectively, it runs at about 60% of what it can actually do. (That's roughly the batting average of the last consultant's deck you paid for.) So here's the only question worth asking: what if the people were never the problem? That gap has a name. Seven names, actually. Once you see them, you won't sit through a cabinet meeting the same way again. This also hits differently depending on the week you're reading it. The Diagnosis Let's talk about this like adults who've sat through enough retreats to know the difference between a "sweet tote-bag vibe" and actual change. You've done the retreat. Facilitator, breakout groups, a conversation on the drive home more honest than anything said in the room. (Somewhere, the whiteboard from that retreat is still standing in a hallway, unerased, like a crime scene nobody's cleared.) You came back with a plan. Three weeks later, it's a shared-drive folder nobody opens. Your best people have gone quiet in meetings — not out of ideas, out of reasons to keep offering them. Two departments have solved the same problem twice, six months apart, neither knowing the other already did the work. None of that is a hiring problem or a motivation problem. It's what the system does. That folder nobody opens — what does it actually cost you? Not dollars. The thing that's harder to name: how many of your best people still believe change is possible here. 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A cabinet three weeks into a transition has different capacity than one eighteen months into a stable run. So, plainly: if you read the seven forces below and think “yes, but not now” — that’s not the wrong answer. Timing isn’t a character flaw. But “not now” only works with a date attached. Without a date, “not now” is just Drift wearing a calendar as a disguise. Name the pain. Then name the moment. If the moment's wrong, don't force it — build the plan for when it's right. Everything below still applies. Just on your timeline, not somebody else's September. The Tuning System · Why Your Best Cabinet Sounds Off-Key Twenty years ago, I bought a piano. Baby grand, delivered to a house my family hadn't asked to move into — three kids uprooted from the only childhood they'd known, distinctly unimpressed with dad's new title. We'd already done ice cream. Then a puppy. Then this. The piano was the exclamation point on my bribery campaign. 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Four build the whole engine, one causing the next: FRAGMENTATION — The Silo Tax. MIT's Human Dynamics Lab found fragmented teams burn up to 60% of their energy on coordination drag alone. (Your cabinet isn't lazy. It's just really, really good at scheduling meetings about the meeting.) EXHAUSTION — The Parking Brake. When coordination breaks, someone absorbs the gap. Not a personality trait. A structural bill, and it always comes due inside somebody's calendar. ISOLATION — The Solo Sport. Exhausted people stop reaching — not because they've stopped caring, because vulnerability became a cost the system taught them they can't afford. SCARCITY — The Empty Table. Isolated people compete for a recognition supply the system made feel finite. Not a mindset problem. An accurate read of a rationed room. 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She ran the Launch Check on the next initiative — three questions, out loud, before anything left the room: What problem are we actually solving? Who else needs to know this exists? What breaks if we don't coordinate here? Not a retreat. A five-minute habit, applied every time. Eight months later — back at the start of a new academic year — her cabinet wasn't just aligned, it was audible. Her VP started raising ideas in the room again, because the room had finally started keeping them. The Application · What To Run, Whenever "Now" Actually Is Here's what to run at your next meeting — not a retreat, not a new initiative. Three moves, one gut-check on timing first. Move 0 — Locate yourselves. (5 min) Where's your cabinet actually standing? New year? Mid-year plateau? Weeks from a board vote? Mid-transition? Say it out loud. The forces don't change. Your capacity to act on them right now does. Move 1 — Run the Launch Check. (10 min, next agenda item) What problem are we actually solving? Who else needs to know this exists? What breaks if we don't coordinate here? (Can't answer the third one? You just found your fragmentation. Congratulations — you're now self-aware, which is more than most teams manage before they don't.) Move 2 — Audit the brake. (15 min, this week) Ask everyone to name one task this week that exists only because something upstream is broken. Pick one. Abandon it, publicly. Move 3 — Name what counts. (Every meeting) Before you close, name one contribution from the last week — specifically. Not “great job.” More like: “That question you asked Tuesday saved us from a decision we’d have regretted.” Two objections, handled straight: “We don’t have time for this.” How many hours did your cabinet spend last week on work that only exists because something upstream never got fixed? Teams we've studied average 40% of a week there. What's forty percent of your week actually worth? “The timing’s genuinely bad.” Then don’t run all three this week. Run Move 0. Name the moment, out loud, and put a real date on the calendar for the rest. A named delay is a plan. An unnamed one is Drift. The Maturity Shift Immature cabinets think: “We need better communicators.” Mature cabinets think: “We need a coordination system nobody has to remember to use.” Immature cabinets think: “Wrong time — skip it.” Mature cabinets think: “Wrong time — name the date.” Immature cabinets treat the retreat as the fix. Mature cabinets treat it as the invitation — and the Monday after, whatever month it falls in, as the actual work. (Immature cabinets also still have that whiteboard in the hallway. Someone should really erase that.) Uncomfortable math: the average leadership team we've studied runs at 60% of its own potential — not because the people are average, but because seven forces are quietly pulling on an instrument nobody's been asked to keep tuned. One word. Which force is eating your cabinet right now? One more, honestly: is now the moment you act, or the moment you name when you will? Go Tune Your Own Cabinet — On Your Own Timeline Most cabinets never get past naming the problem. They diagnose it beautifully at a retreat, then go back Monday to the same untuned instrument. One more question, honest answer this time: if this stays exactly this shape for the next two years, what does that cost? Not the institution's numbers. You. The part of you that took this seat to build something, not just keep it running. What would it mean to know — not guess, know — which of these seven forces is costing your cabinet the most, and whether right now is the moment to act on it? The Burnout Force Check takes about three minutes and shows you exactly where your cabinet sits across all seven forces — same research behind this framework, built to tell you the diagnosis and the timing: https://burnoutforce.higherperformancegroup.com/ That baby grand is still standing in my living room. 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We read every one. info@higherperformancegroup.com Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group | THE BURNOUT FORCE
By HPG Info August 3, 2026
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