5 Questions Every Disheartened Leader Should Ask Themselves Before Giving Up Or Giving In

March 1, 2022

Dear Disheartened Leader,


Being THE leader isn’t the easiest thing in the world. But it's not the hardest thing either.


You’re not alone. The “ER” in the middle of the word lead•ER•ship is there on purpose. It is not supposed to be easy.


If you’re really leading, there’s rarely a season that isn’t filled with “ER.”


You solve a problem, two more pop up. You resolve them, and out of the corner of your eye, spot the next one.

As a campus leader for over 30 years, I get it.


After seeing leader after leader struggle with discouragement and wanting to throw in the towel long before their calling ran out, I wanted to write this note.


None of us really feel like the most successful person on earth. I surely don’t and you don’t need to fake it either.


And even though things are going well for HPG, and we have so much to be thankful for, I spend too many days wondering whether I’m missing something or feeling like we should be making more progress than we should.


You know what it’s like… The weight of:


  • Budget and expenses.
  • People who promise the moon but can’t even deliver the earth.
  • New people who say they’re in and then walk away.
  • Feeling like you are always under a microscope.
  • Not being where you thought you would be at this point in your life.
  • Uncertainty. Constant uncertainty.
  • Chronic struggles with talented team members who just don’t want to wear the team jersey.
  • Knowing your system isn’t perfect and wishing it would be but knowing it won’t ever be.
  • Lack of gratitude from those whom you are bending over backward to serve.
  • Feeling let down by others.
  • Feeling like you are letting yourself down.
  • Seeing other people’s practice and believing they have it easier than you do.


And on and on and on it goes…


This is the stuff of leadership they never teach you in graduate school.

I want you to know something. The discouragement you feel inside is real and coming from somewhere. Think about this and let this sink in for a minute today: The happiest and healthiest people are those whose expectations meet reality.


What do you do with that?


Here are five questions every disheartened leader should ask themselves before giving up or giving in.


1. What do I expect my system to give me?

No team or system will ever give you ultimate peace, fulfillment, joy, purpose, or anything like that. If you are expecting that from being a leader, you won’t find it.


If you are constantly discouraged or frustrated about your system, it might be because you are hoping it will give you something only your conscience can give you. That is called PEACE.


When you look to people or things to give you what only your faith can give you, you’re signed up for a dash of misery.


2. Who do I hope will affirm me?

This is a big one.


We all look for affirmation from people.


Here’s something someone told me a long time ago that I really don’t like because it’s so true: Never expect the people you lead to affirm you. 


It’s not fair to them. And ultimately, it’s not fair to you.


Your job is to lead them, not to get them to applaud you.


Hey, if it happens…awesome. Consider that a bonus. But if you keep looking to others for praise, you’ll end up sliding down the slippery slope under question 3…


3. Who am I trying to please?

You will never fully please the people you serve. It’s impossible because we are imperfect people (and so are they).


If you are trying to please other leaders or get recognized, you will be miserable. You can never keep up with anyone else’s expectations. And you’ll let yourself, your family, and ultimately your team down.


If you focused on being liked, you won’t lead. Your insistence on pleasing everyone will mean you ultimately please no one.

Not to mention yourself.


4. How honest am I being with myself and others?

If you stuff your leadership failures and missed expectations instead of dealing with them, you will implode or explode one day. Your discouragement and mine often come from stuffing things we should just admit and deal with.


If you have a problem with another person, be completely honest with them. If you are mad at somebody, tell them.

If somebody let you down, let them now. If you have let yourself down, tell a friend.


Lying and pretending lead to misery. Just say it. I have done this numerous times and it’s terrible up front but so freeing in the end.


And you know what? Much of the time you end up redeeming the relationship.


If you won’t be honest with others, you also won’t be able to truly lead them.


5. What lie am I believing?

Gurus make it seem so easy, don’t they? Go to their conference or buy their product and all your problems disappear. Did you ever buy into that lie at some point?


Chances are you thought leadership would be easier. Well, that’s just silly.


Identify the lie you are believing, and you will crush some of the discouragement. The lie that storytellers sell you is really killing your spirit. We only need to look at history to discover that leadership was rarely ever easy.


Your discouragement isn’t just discouragement. It’s a symptom of something deeper going on. If you want to create a healthy culture across your system, you can’t be angry all the time. You can’t be frustrated 24/7. Take a step today & answer these questions honestly.


I believe it will help you beat your discouragement and get back on the growth track.


It’s propaganda to say leadership is easy. What’s true is that humble, determined, committed leadership is worth it.


Everyone deserves to live in a community served by healthy teams and highly reliable systems.


P.S. Whenever you are ready here are the 2 best ways I can help you:


1) Get your FREE guide: 5 Evidence-Based Practices to Reclaim More Team Engagement with Less Effort: www.higherperformancegroup.com/reclaim


2) Schedule a Call. Let’s talk about the obstacles (and opportunities) that you & your team are currently facing.  www.higherperformancegroup.com/schedule

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By HPG Info July 14, 2026
The Case for Standards-Based Leadership Think back to tenth grade for a second. The B+ in Chemistry. The C in Algebra II from the teacher who clearly had a grudge against fourth period. The A in gym you didn't earn through anything resembling cardiovascular achievement. Honest question: did that grade measure what you knew — or how well you'd learned to play the game? The extra-credit packet. The teacher you charmed. The final you crammed for at 1 a.m. and forgot by June. Honk once if you believed those grades were objective. Honk ten times if you're being honest. ο»Ώ Most of us spent thirteen years being sorted by a system we now know, as the adults running it, was subjective, inconsistent, and occasionally just vibes. That's exactly why so many of you are doing the hard, unpopular work of standards-based grading right now — proficiency over averages, evidence over guesswork, a report card a parent can actually defend at the dinner table. Good instinct. Now ask yourself the same question about your cabinet. THE GOOD NEWS. THE BAD NEWS. Let's talk about this like adults who've sat through enough grading-policy town halls to know exactly how loud the "back in my day, a C meant something" crowd gets. Here's the good news: you're not imagining the shift. Districts across the country are actively exploring standards-based grading. In pockets — New Hampshire, Maine, Wisconsin, more recently Connecticut, New Mexico, Oregon — it's not a pilot anymore. It's policy. Here's the honest part. Exploring it and doing it are not the same sentence. The most detailed statewide look available — a recent survey out of Wyoming — found that only 10% of middle schools and 5% of high schools had fully implemented standards-based grading. More than half of middle schools had "begun" the shift. Begun is not arrived. Everyone's talking. A tenth of the room is actually doing it. (Sound familiar? It should. You're about to read the exact same gap in your cabinet.) Higher ed's version is smaller, but real. North of 1,500 institutions nationally have built out competency-based programs — concentrated in nursing, computer science, community colleges, the places where "can you actually do the thing" has always mattered more than seat time. Good news: it exists. Bad news: that's a rounding error against roughly 4,000 degree-granting institutions in this country. So both sectors are — unevenly, slowly, sometimes reluctantly — having the standards-based conversation about students. Here's the conversation nobody at either level is having: standards-based leadership. What are the standards for your cabinet? Not the job description HR pulled from a template in 2014. Not the vague "strong communicator, collaborative, strategic" language every posting uses. The actual, observable standards that tell you whether your VP of Instruction is on track, exceeding, or quietly underperforming a competency she's never once been assessed against. If you can't name them, you don't have a leadership standard. You have a job title and a hope. You almost certainly evaluate every cabinet member once a year. If you can't say, right now, which competency each of them is actually operating at — that's not a documentation gap. That's a year of development spent guessing at a target nobody wrote down. TQ = IQ × EQ × PQ. You cannot standards-base a formula you've never written the rubric for. (This is precisely the gap THE TEAM INSTITUTE was built to close — not with another workshop, but with the actual standard, the evidence, and the sequence to develop against it. More on that shortly.) THE STANDARD The IQ Competency Architecture: What Standards-Based Leadership Actually Requires A real standard does three things: it names the competency, it defines what mastery looks like in observable behavior, and it tells you exactly where someone stands right now — novice, developing, proficient, exceeding. That's the whole model your teachers are already using. Nobody had built the leadership version. So we did. HPG's IQ Leader Competency Assessment maps seven leadership competencies in the order they must be built — not the order they appear on an org chart, but the order the science of trust and cognition says they have to develop, or the structure above them stays fragile. Every level, 1 (Novice) through 5 (Expert), is tied to observable evidence. Not a feeling. Not tenure. A standard. 1. Building Trust — the oxygen of Team Intelligence. Without it, empowerment is abandonment, collaboration is theater, and conflict management is suppression wearing a nicer vocabulary. A leader can sit through a dozen workshops on trust and still be demonstrating Level 2 — reliable, but visibly allergic to vulnerability. TQ IMPLICATION → a cabinet stuck at Level 1–2 Trust cannot multiply anything. EQ approaches zero, and the equation collapses regardless of how much IQ is in the room. 2. Empowerment — Trust's direct descendant. This is the superintendent who says "I trust my principals" and still calls three of them before 7:30 a.m. on the first day of school. (In a provost's office, it's the committee that hasn't produced an original recommendation in three years, because everyone knows the Provost overrides anything she doesn't personally like. Coincidence is not a thing.) TQ IMPLICATION → empowerment without trust is distributed responsibility without distributed authority. 3. Collaboration — where individual intelligence becomes Team Intelligence. This is the meeting with the agenda, the nodding, and the parking-lot conversation afterward where the actual decision gets made by the two people who said the least in the room. TQ IMPLICATION → PQ, Perceptual Intelligence, is what separates a high-performing cabinet from high-performing individuals who happen to share a conference room. 4–7. Broadening Influence, Change Management, Conflict Management, Developing Others. Same sequential logic, no exceptions. You cannot broaden influence you haven't collaborated your way into. You cannot lead real change without Trust, Empowerment, and Collaboration already load-bearing. Attempting Level 5 work from a Level 2 foundation isn't ambition — it's assigning calculus to a room that hasn't mastered fractions. The effort is genuine. The outcome is fragile. Let me tell you about a superintendent I'll call Jordan. (Not his real name — but Jordan, if you're reading this, your CFO is reading this too, and you both know exactly which retreat I mean.) Jordan's cabinet of eight averaged eleven years of tenure and four doctorates between them. On paper, a senior, credentialed team. Against an actual standard, a Level 2.5 team attempting Level 4 work — initiatives that launched with real energy and were quietly dead by day ninety, a superintendent who felt, privately and exhaustingly, like the only adult in the room. Nobody had ever assessed this cabinet against anything. They'd been observed, rated on a template, and sent to conferences — never mapped against a sequential standard. When Jordan finally ran the assessment, three of his eight cabinet members tested Level 2 on Trust — the foundation everything else was stacked on top of. His longest-serving Deputy Superintendent, twenty-three years in, tested Level 1 on Developing Others. Not because she didn't care. Because no one had ever shown her what Level 3 looked like. Ten months of sequential development later — Trust before Empowerment, Empowerment before Collaboration, in that order, not the order that felt urgent — Jordan's cabinet averaged Level 3.8 across all seven competencies. I spent six years managing performance I didn't have a standard for. Now I have one. That's the difference between activity and productivity. The higher ed version has a different name and the same root cause. Celeste, a Provost with a national research reputation and a cabinet full of individually brilliant people, ran the most reliably miserable six-week budget cycle in her institution's history — every year — because nobody on that team had ever been assessed against anything more rigorous than a publication count. Same standard. Same sequence. Different letterhead. THE APPLICATION Here's what to do Monday morning (assuming you're not mid-crisis, in which case bookmark this and do it Tuesday): Move 1 — Write the standard down (30 minutes). Pull up the seven domains. For every cabinet member — yourself included — answer one question with specificity: what level are they demonstrating, based on observable behavior in the last ninety days? Not tenure. Not credential. Not potential. (K–12: can your assistant superintendent facilitate real conflict between two principals with competing visions, or does she manage it by scheduling a follow-up that resolves nothing? Higher ed: is your Dean's 24-hour-notice agenda distribution Level 4 Collaboration, or Level 2 coordination wearing the name of the former?) If you can't answer with specifics, that's the finding. You've been developing without a standard. Move 2 — Say the sequence out loud. At your next cabinet meeting, offer one idea: competencies build on each other, and you cannot shortcut Trust and still expect authentic Collaboration to show up. Then ask the room — and actually hold the silence — "Which foundational competency on this team isn't fully built yet, and what have we been stacking on top of it?" Don't answer it for them. The room that discovers its own gap starts closing it. Move 3 — Make growth visible, the same way you're asking teachers to. When someone moves from Level 2 to Level 3 on Conflict Management, say so, specifically, immediately. "I watched you hold that disagreement between your two directors open long enough for the room to find its own resolution. A year ago, you'd have scheduled a follow-up instead." Seven minutes. Highest-ROI leadership move on this list, and it costs nothing but attention. "We already do evaluations. This is redundant." You already did the math on this one two sections ago — you evaluate outcomes, you don't assess developmental competency, and that gap is exactly what's costing you a year at a time. Your evaluation rubric can't tell you whether your CFO is Level 2 or Level 4 on Empowerment, or that Trust is the actual foundation your strategic plan keeps failing to stand on. Your students get a grade and a standard. Your cabinet has been getting only one of those. "My cabinet won't respond well to being scored 1 through 5." Your students didn't respond well to standards-based grading in September either — until they saw their own growth mapped in language that actually meant something. The leaders who resist a standard the hardest are almost always the ones operating at Level 2 while carrying Level 4 expectations. Resistance isn't a personality problem. It's data, telling you exactly where to start. THE MATURITY SHIFT πŸ“„ Immature leaders think: Tenure is mastery. My experienced people don't need a standard. 🎯 Mature leaders think: Experience tells me what someone survived. A standard tells me what they actually built. πŸ“‹ Immature leaders: evaluate performance once a year and wonder why development doesn't stick. πŸ—ΊοΈ Mature leaders: name the standard, assess against it, and benchmark growth — exactly what they're asking every teacher in the building to do for a ninth grader. πŸ”„ Immature leaders: develop cabinet members individually and hope it transfers to collective performance. There is no research universe where this works. βœ–οΈ Mature leaders: build the sequential architecture that turns individual growth into Team Intelligence — because when any factor in IQ × EQ × PQ approaches zero, so does the whole product. You already believe in the research on standards-based grading. You've staked your professional credibility on the idea that averaging a student's journey produces a number that reveals nothing and guides nothing. Your cabinet is still being averaged. Score your own cabinet, right now, 1 through 5, on Building Trust — the one everything else stacks on top of. Drop the number in the comments. No explanation required. Just the number. If the number is a 4 or 5, tell us which competency it took the longest to earn. If it's a 2, you've just found where Monday morning starts. THE TEAM INSTITUTE Most leadership development runs on a theory that is philosophically identical to the grading system you already dismantled for students: assess once if at all, average performance across years of tenure, call the result a measure of competency. THE TEAM INSTITUTE is the standards-based alternative — an 8-month sequential development journey built on the same premise you're building into your classrooms and your credentialing programs: name the standard, assess against it, develop in the order the science demands, and make growth visible enough to sustain itself. Baseline Assessment. Every cabinet enters with a mapped starting point across all seven competencies — an objective level, with observable evidence, for where every leader actually is right now. Sequential Collective Development. Eight months, competency by competency, in the order the research demands — Trust before Empowerment, Empowerment before Collaboration — because you can't build the third floor before the second floor is structurally sound. 90-Day Benchmarking. Growth that's visible, specific, and tied to observable behavior sustains itself. Growth that's invisible gets quietly averaged away and relabeled "still developing." The research anchor, across 987 leadership teams in 43 states, translates to something more concrete than a percentage: cabinets that run this sequence typically move from closing one major initiative a year to closing three — the actual, felt difference between a 3x performance improvement and a strategic plan that reads well but doesn't move. πŸ“ˆ 3× performance improvement πŸ’‘ 29% higher engagement — the gap that used to only surface in an exit interview, closing before anyone's handing one in 🎯 27% better organizational outcomes πŸ”₯ Zero increase in burnout — the sequence works because it replaces guessing with a standard, not because it asks anyone to do more One requirement: full cabinet participation. Partial collective architecture isn't architecture — it's a majority position wearing the name of a team. You don't have to take my word for any of this. If you want to see where your own team stands before you decide anything, start with the free Team Intelligence Assessment — fifteen minutes, no cabinet required, just an honest first read on where your leadership currently sits against the standard: higherperformancegroup.com/tq-assessment If all of this is worth a real conversation, book a virtual coffee (with me 😊) using this link: https://calendly.com/higherperformance/30minutecoffee AMPLIFICATION Found value here? Help another educational leader find it: → Repost with the number you scored your cabinet on Trust, and the one word that number made you feel. → Tag a leader you've watched genuinely move a competency level this year — not sit through something, do something they couldn't twelve months ago. → Comment with the one competency your cabinet is strongest in, and the one an honest 1–5 assessment would sting on. The more educational leaders who move from development activity to development standards, the better our schools and our institutions become. That's not inspiration. That's arithmetic. Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group for weekly Team Intelligence insights.
By HPG Info July 7, 2026
And summer break isn't going to fix it. It's July 5th. You're reading this the morning after fireworks, probably with a cup of coffee you actually had time to finish for once. And somewhere in the back of your mind, you've already decided that this stretch — these six or seven weeks before the building fills back up — is going to fix what's broken in your cabinet. It's not going to fix it. I need you to hear this from someone who isn't trying to sell you on a vacation: rest is not the same thing as repair. Your team can come back in August more tan and less tired and still be carrying the exact same structural weight they were carrying in May. Because the thing that's breaking them isn't a depletion problem. It's an architecture problem. And architecture doesn't rebuild itself while everyone's at the lake. Keep reading. This one's for the leader who knows something's off and has been hoping the calendar would solve it. — — — You Don't Have a Resilience Problem Here's what's actually happening, in plain terms. You've got people on your cabinet — maybe it's you, probably it's you — who are waking up tired before they've even gotten out of bed. Not tired from a long week. Tired in a way sleep doesn't touch anymore. You've got people performing confidence in the 2:00 meeting and sitting in their car afterward wondering if any of it was real. You've got people who used to love this work and now just do it. Same title, same competence, completely different relationship to the job. That's not burnout the way your professional development catalog talks about it — protect your boundaries, try a gratitude journal. That's a measurable force acting on people who were never given a system designed to hold it. πŸ“Š 63% of professionals are showing at least one sign of burnout right now — up from 51% just a few years ago. That's not a vibe. That's a structural shift in working conditions, and your cabinet is standing directly inside it. Burnout doesn't go after the disengaged. It goes after the deeply invested. Here's the part that should unsettle you a little: it's not hitting your weakest people. It's hitting your best ones. The ones who care most are the ones who absorb the most — because they're the least likely to say no without writing a three-page justification for why they're allowed to. Which means the person carrying the most weight on your cabinet right now is probably the one you'd never think to worry about. Because they're still performing fine. TQ IMPLICATION → When the Burnout Force suppresses any one dimension of TQ = IQ × EQ × PQ — and it almost always hits EQ first — eight brilliant people quietly become eight exhausted individuals trying not to show it. — — — Why This Week, Not September If your plan is "we'll regroup over the summer," you're going to walk your team right back into the exact same conditions in August — just rested enough to absorb them a little longer — while your best people quietly do the math on whether this is still worth it. I've watched it happen more times than I can count. The cabinet member who's three months from the door doesn't leave because they stopped believing in the mission. They leave because nobody ever rebuilt the structure that was supposed to hold them up. This window — right now, this stretch between the 4th and the first board meeting of the fall — is the only time your whole team is actually together, away from the daily fires, with enough margin to do something structural instead of something cosmetic. It's short. It's closing. Once the building fills back up in August, this conversation gets ten times harder, because everyone's back in survival mode and there's no room left to rebuild anything. ❌ Immature: "We'll regroup once things slow down." βœ… Mature: "We'll rebuild the architecture while we actually have the room to do it." — — — What Actually Works (And What Doesn't) You can't fix a collective architecture problem by sending three people to a conference and hoping it trickles down. It doesn't trickle down. It just creates one more person on your cabinet who's seen the framework and is now alone trying to translate it for everyone else. That's not a solution — it's a more sophisticated version of the same isolation. What works is your whole team in the room at the same time, hearing the same language, naming the same forces, in the same moment — so the isolation breaks immediately instead of getting passed down secondhand. I had a superintendent tell me, six months after we did this work together: "I feel like I'm leading again instead of surviving." Same district. Same challenges. Different architecture for who's allowed to carry what. (This is exactly the gap The Burnout Force keynote was built to close — not by making individuals more resilient, but by giving your entire cabinet a shared language for the forces acting on all of them, at the same time, in the same room. More on that below.) — — — The Maturity Shift Immature leaders think: "I need to push through this. Resilience is the answer." Mature leaders think: "I need to understand what I'm pushing against — and whether I'm designed to push against it alone." Immature leaders absorb the force as a personal experience and add another morning routine. Mature leaders name the force structurally and build the conditions where it gets distributed instead of concentrated. From our research across 987 leadership teams: 3× performance improvement. 29% higher engagement. 27% better outcomes. Zero burnout increase — when the architecture gets rebuilt instead of the individual. Your turn: Who on your cabinet is carrying the most right now — and does your team even know it? Name them in your head. Then ask yourself if you'd actually planned to do anything about it before August. — — — Let's Get This on the Calendar Before the Building Fills Back Up Here's what I'd want for you if I were your friend: get your whole cabinet — or your whole staff, if that's the room you've got this summer — in front of this before the fall calendar swallows you again. Not a resilience talk. A structural reframe about why the weight keeps landing on the same people, and what it would take to actually distribute it. I built the Burnout Force keynote for exactly this room, this time of year, this exact decision point. I'd rather have this conversation with you now, while you still have a retreat date open, than in October — when your best person hands you their notice and you're trying to figure out what happened. Full cabinet or full-staff keynote experience. Built for leaders done treating a structural problem as a personal failing. If that's the room you're trying to build this summer, let's talk this week — not in the fall. πŸ“… Grab 30 minutes: calendly.com/higherperformance/30minutecoffee πŸ“ž Or just email: βœ‰οΈ joe@higherperformancegroup.com Your people aren't broken. The system they're operating inside is. And you've got about six weeks to do something about it before the building fills back up. — — — Found value in this? → Repost with the one force you watched hit your cabinet hardest this year. → Tag a leader you know is carrying more than they should be carrying alone — over this holiday weekend especially. → Comment with what your summer plan actually was, before you read this. The more leaders who move from individual resilience to collective architecture, the stronger our institutions become. Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group for weekly Team Intelligence insights. ο»Ώ #CancelAverage
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